Productive Sunday.

I'm really pleased with myself, because today I had a productive day! And this is awesome because it's Sunday and I'm NEVER productive on Sundays. Usually I lie around all day feeling miserable, contemplating that the following day is monday, and no one likes Mondays.
EXCEPT! I'm looking forward to tomorrow because it's my dear friend Dallas's 17th birthday and I can't wait to give him his present :)
But anyway, today I woke up naturally at ten to 8 in the morning, delighted to find that it was a beautiful sunny day. I checked my blog, read the latest "healthy tipping point" entry as I do every day, I showered, then I cooked a SWEET breakfast for Mitchell and I. My fav, french toast with Wholemeal bread with real Maple Syrup and frozen Blueberries on top :)
YUMMA!
We waited about 45 minutes for our food to settle, I slathered on the sunblock, listened to Red Hot Chili Peppers, then we headed off for our intense bush walk up the Bird Walk (which is a short distance, but heavily made up of almost vertical flights of stairs and never-ending hills). It was HARD OUT! I had forgotten just how much of a workout those flights of stairs are. I was huffing and puffing and totally exhausted, but I kept myself motivated by thinking about how great it is for me and how amazing those stairs will help my butt to look haha. It works! Seriously :D


It was also extremely hot, but I was grateful for the change up in work out, it was a good break from my regular 5k running route. Also, I was able to eat 4 squares of yummy Cadbury Crunchie bar chocolate and not feel guilty :) I've decided to stop feeling so bad whenever I allow myself to have a little treat. I'm so harsh on myself and it's really unfair to my self-esteem and self-confidence. 


After the Bird Walk we exited out Whitehorse drive, carried on up the gorge hill, walked down Hillcrest, down the Rock Pitt steps, down Commerce street, through the Gypsy fair and back home. The whole excursion took about 2 hours and at the end Mitchell stated that that's the best workout he's had in weeks haha. Mitchell is not overly athletic, so kudos to him for giving it his best efforts and keeping up with me!


When we got home we chillaxed with a good movie, "The Boat That Rocked" I LOVED it!! It was so so so funny, and I was so proud to see Rhys Darby repping NZ. It was so good, I highly recommend it to anyone who loves Rock N' Roll and is interested in a light-hearted comedy with lots of naked girls ;]


After that we had our eats, in the middle of the movie I had strawberry Greek Yoghurt with Walnuts, Almonds and Oats and after I had half a can of tinned peaches and some "hot pork", it was so good! And kept me full for ages which is good.


I'm booking my learners license tomorrow! Exciting stuff!!! I'm going to go for  my Motorbike license at the same time. I can't wait to be able to drive, I'll feel so independent, I'm really truly excited at the idea for the first time in my life.


Peace!
xoxo

RIP Harlow my baby :'(

So I woke to some terrible news this morning... My Kitten Harlow got run over and she died.
I'm incredibly upset about it, she was the cutest, most kind natured and adorable little bundle of fluff I've ever had as a pet.
I've never had a cat like her. She always used to be happiest when she was wrapped around your next like a scarf and you always new she was happy because she'd purr like a lawn-mower :)
Even my Uncle who is allergic to cats, loved her and took to her instantly, carrying her around on his shoulder and feeding her meat scraps when he was cooking the barbie.
I'll miss her so so much and I can't believe she's gone already :( We've had her since March and she's been the best kitten.
I love her.
Here are some shots of me and my gorgeous girl:

RIP my baby xoxoxoxoxoxoxo I'll miss you.

Yoga and Mars bar muffins.

Today I baked some yummy Mars Bar muffins ^.^ They were sooo good. SOO fattening, but It's not like I have them everyday, so I figured why not :) 
I'll just run/yoga it off tomorrow haha. I actually baked them just for a very special person, and he really liked them! Mission complete! :D
Today was a pretty dull day, but I'm fully addicted to Yoga now. Tomorrow there's a three hour work shop in town for yoga and it's 20 bucks entry. I'm so keen to go! I seriously have to burn off all the shit from today, also, I have found that there is nothing like yoga to tone up my stomach with is great.
I find yoga so relaxing... I'm able to centre myself, concentrate on relaxing all the muscles in my body and letting go of any stressors that are unnecessary, so right now, that is the perfect kind of workout for this stage in my life, which has been painfully stressful lately :(
I have one person who, no matter what, makes me feel happy ^.^ Which I am so so SO grateful for. It's such an incredible thing to find true friends who really care about you and will remain loyal to you no matter what. They are so hard to come by, and truth be told? I only have one of them. He's always there for me and will do anything to make me feel better when I'm feeling down.


In other news, Last night I went to Tauranga with Mum, Anna, Clarissa and Sarah to see Tga's showing of the musical "Cats" by Andrew Lloyd Webber. It. Was. Fan-TASTIC!
I was so impressed! And it made me so nostalgic for the days when I've been involved in theatre productions... I haven't done a show in NINE MONTHS! That's so long for me! I miss it :( I miss being involved, and the work, and having something to aim for and to push yourself to your ultimate limit, and the good vibes created between the cast members, and the backstage romance that ALWAYS occurs ;) and learning new things and new skills, and finally, performing in front of hundreds of people, making them smile and feel such great emotions, that's the best bit.
Tga's "Cats" fully did that for me, and I give them a ten out of ten. Highlights for me were definitely the Rum Tum Tugger's song just coz he's my favourite character, and the Macavity the mystery Cat duet, I thought they did SUCH a good job.
Here's a video of the original duet from the film:

Anyway, I'm super excited for the yoga workshop tomorrow :) I've had a really fantastic evening with a great friend of mine, so I'm happy!

I'm going to go watch the musical "Fame" now.

Have a wonderful night everybody xoxo

Photos + Video from friday night :)

self-explanatory really.

It's NOT making me stronger :(

I'm having a really bad afternoon... my day was going just fine until i got home. I'm really angry because I came home from school as fast as I could, abandoning the plans I had with Dallas because mum and I had discussed going to the gym this afternoon for a consultation as well as buying a few things to help me with running so I don't have such awful knee pain.
Yeah well, NONE of that happened. I got home and she said "I just got back from being out for a long time, I'm not that interested in going out again", WELL THAT'S NOT MY PROBLEM! We had plans, I ditched a friend for them, and then she decided she wasn't going to go anywhere. Awesome mum. Really helpful.
I'm afraid to go running again because my knee's are stuffed so whenever I do, after half an hour my knees are burning! I wanted some protection to help prevent that!


I really want to leave Whakatane. it's driving me insane, every single day I have to go to school knowing that there is all this bullshit about me, all these lies and I can't defend myself. Usually it wouldn't bother me what others think, but this bothers me because it's interfering with my friendship with someone amazing who I would die for. It's REALLY interfering, and it's so so upsetting for me to have it be like that :(
I'd love to leave the country. Start COMPLETELY fresh, leave behind the fucked up past and just have a completely clean slate where no one knows anything unless I tell them.
Canada is where I'm thinking. Only problem is getting a Canadian passport and funding it so I'm able to live there...
Mum lectures me telling me Karma is on my side and it will come back and bite them in the ass, but that's not gonna happen within the next two years, and there is no fucking way I am putting up with this shit, unjustified for the next two years of my schooling.
I need an escape but I don't know what to do... :(
I'm really upset and in a really bad mood today, and not even Operation Beautiful can cheer me up.
Mum says it'll all make me stronger, but FUCK IT! It's been 9 months and I'm getting increasingly weaker..
High school is like a fucking jungle, you'll be lucky to get out alive.


I need help to smile.
Any suggestions?


<3 

This is what i do when i'm inspired and feeling the love!

I have stumbled across a website with the most beautiful aim and so much heart, beauty and love, it made me so happy to see that there are some truly beautiful (on the inside AND out) people in this world, it kinda helped restore my faith in humanity. http://operationbeautiful.com The idea is for females (and males, should they so desire to participate) to post post-it notes with positives affirmations in public places such as the bathroom mirror or gym changing room etc. It'll put a smile on the face of whoever reads it and make them feel that much happier ^-^ When i found this website tonight i was feeling sooo down in the dumps, i was REALLY upset because there's been a lot of shit lately going down and i felt like i was lacking strength to deal with it all, then i found the site and after about half an hour of flicking through the pages i was restored to such a positive happy mood! The creator Caitlin, is a true hero and a massive inspiration of mine, check out her individual blog:http://healthytippingpoint.com She is a hero to us all. All this also inspired to me get off my ass and get back in shape for summer. I'm going to start running again because, even though i said otherwise, I could never give up running, i secretly love it lol. Honestly, it's so relaxing and enjoyable and gives me a chance to be by myself and think about things. I really do have a great time doing it. My biggest problem is finding somewhere NICE to go, My usual route is kinda boring, i want something DIFFERENT... Maybe i'll do the bird walk, through hillcrest, through town and back home.. Wait, perhaps i should start out a little shorter since it's been a while.. lol I put my running shoes out on my drawers so in the morning it'll remind me of what i need to do. It's a hassle finding the motivation to actually get going, but once i do, i always feel great afterwards. Spread the love and joy people xoxoxo

My Best Friend Emma Banbury <3

	EB	27 days ago
	her face is asymmetrical, she's just as useless at tennis as i am, she holds my hand during funerals when I'm crying, she is absolutely amazing at writing poems and lyrics, she is an incredible masseuse, she always knows effective and enjoyable ways for me to vent my anger She gives me her honest opinion about everything, she tried to dye her hair brown and it went bright red, she accepts me for who i am and makes me feel good about myself, she cooks me yummy omelets, she sings like an angel and she keeps getting better, she understands me all the time, even when no one else does, she knows me better than anyone on the planet, she is my soul mate.

Deep and meaningful... I do get gushy :)

My idea of love.	35 days ago
	It's when you care about that person so much, that merely the THOUGHT of them getting hurt, being let down, feeling disappointed, getting physically harmed... or just feeling pain in any way, tears apart the very depths of your soul because it breaks your heart to see them sad, and you would do ANYTHING in the WORLD to protect them from feeling pain. It's when the thought of them takes over your mind, and you forget everything else in the world and are happy simply picturing them smile or laugh, and it takes you away on a day-dream. It's when you see them in person, and you wish you could hold them and cling to them and snuggle up to them forever, to ignore everything else and just stay there with them, forget all the conflicts in the world around you just to be with that person. It's when you don't need fancy Balls or parties, or big events to be happy, as long as your being held by that person, you feel perfect and don't need anything else in the world to please you. It's when you don't need a "Big White Wedding" to prove your love, you just need yourself and that person, and you can conquer the world. It's when you don't need to see each other or talk to each other 24/7, sure you'll miss each other to the point where you'll feel sick, but you trust each other and know it'll be worth the wait when you next see them. It's when you can lie naked with them or shower with them, and have it not be sexual in any way, you're just emotionally connected and happy to be in an intimate situation, to respect and love each others bodies in their most vulnerable state. It's when you miss them so much you feel sick and unable to function properly, just seconds after you've said goodbye to them... That's my idea of love.

Ask yourself?

Victory or Death.	43 days ago
	So i came to the conclusion the other day, that every single person in the world makes life more difficult for themselves than it needs to be. I mean seriously, we make life so much harder for ourselves by getting ourselves in to unnecessary debt, betraying friends, spreading secrets, holding unnecessary grudges, hurting other people for revenge with no positive outcome... It all adds to the drama that is our day to day lives. Think about how much easier and chill life would be if we all just took a step back, took a deep breath had a look at how far we've come, what we're doing wrong, what we're doing right, what we can improve, and what we need to stop worrying about. We don't have to make things so bloody difficult for ourselves. Also, it seems to have a whirlpool effect, when we're pissed off and things aren't working out so great, we get mad, and when we get mad, others feel it too and get mad also, then everyone's mood sinks and it just turns to shit. Take a leaf out of the Beatles book, get stoned, chill out, write music about things that are pissing you off or hurting you and forget about the things you cannot change. Thanks for letting me have that little rant. -Jenny