Saturday, August 29, 2009

This is what i do when i'm inspired and feeling the love!

I have stumbled across a website with the most beautiful aim and so much heart, beauty and love, it made me so happy to see that there are some truly beautiful (on the inside AND out) people in this world, it kinda helped restore my faith in humanity.
The idea is for females (and males, should they so desire to participate) to post post-it notes with positives affirmations in public places such as the bathroom mirror or gym changing room etc.
It'll put a smile on the face of whoever reads it and make them feel that much happier ^-^
When i found this website tonight i was feeling sooo down in the dumps, i was REALLY upset because there's been a lot of shit lately going down and i felt like i was lacking strength to deal with it all, then i found the site and after about half an hour of flicking through the pages i was restored to such a positive happy mood!
The creator Caitlin, is a true hero and a massive inspiration of mine, check out her individual blog:
She is a hero to us all.

All this also inspired to me get off my ass and get back in shape for summer. I'm going to start running again because, even though i said otherwise, I could never give up running, i secretly love it lol.
Honestly, it's so relaxing and enjoyable and gives me a chance to be by myself and think about things.
I really do have a great time doing it. My biggest problem is finding somewhere NICE to go, My usual route is kinda boring, i want something DIFFERENT...
Maybe i'll do the bird walk, through hillcrest, through town and back home..
Wait, perhaps i should start out a little shorter since it's been a while.. lol
I put my running shoes out on my drawers so in the morning it'll remind me of what i need to do.
It's a hassle finding the motivation to actually get going, but once i do, i always feel great afterwards.

Spread the love and joy people


Girl, Interrupted.8 days ago
I just watched the film "Girl, Interrupted" starring Winona Ryder and Angelina Jolie- It was brilliant. I've been hanging out to see this film for a couple of weeks now and i've recently become a massive fan of Winona Ryder, i think she's is an absolutely fantastic actress who is insanely talented with great access to herself, and i have such great admiration for her, but i didn't come here to talk about my admiration for Winona, I'm writing to talk about the film itself, and how i found it extremely intriguing and thought-provoking.
Winona's character Susanna was admitted to a psychiatric hospital for "Borderline Personality Disorder" even though she didn't even understand what that meant and didn't feel crazy in any way, shape or form, but reluctantly signed the papers confirming her admittance.
I was a little frightened but how deeply i felt i could relate to Susanna... Now, don't get me wrong, i'm not crazy, sure i have my moments and had many accusations and rumours thrown my way that suggest otherwise, but jesus people, be realistic! I am not mentally ill. I felt i was able to relate to Susanna through her view of the world... At one point in the film, she went on to tell one of the doctors, after her fellow patient-friend Daisy committed suicide in her own home after being set free and declared "recovered", that had she had the chance, she would've gone upstairs to Daisy's room after being slammed and accused of a sexually incestuous relationship with her loving father by Lisa (Angelina Jolie), and spoke to her about how she understood what it feels like to try so hard and yet, despite all your best efforts, be unable to fit in with society, to physically harm yourself on the outside just to try and kill the thing on the inside... (I don't self-harm either btw), to feel like such an outcast, not knowing how to relate to others.
After listening to her pour out her deepest thoughts and emotions, i was truly struck by how i agreed with her and understood her pain..
I'm not writing all this with the expectation that people will comment with sympathy and kind words, in fact, i don't even really expect this to get read at all, and if it does, i expect harsh words and yet MORE insults and rumours if anything. Wow, what a pleasant society we live in these days.
My main problem is that i really can't relate to others, I might as well be on another fucking planet ALL TOGETHER to be honest. It sucks and it makes high school increasingly difficult, but what can you do? All we can do is just be who we are, be assertive and do our best to make sure others don't bring us down.
I get where Susanna was coming from, and to some extent, i've been there. But i won't allow it to get me down.
Also, another point in which i was like "holy fuck, that's just like me!", is when they told her of how wrong and abnormal it was that, once she graduated from high school, she had no intention of attending college, she simply wanted to settle down and write. This was highly frowned upon by authority figures around her and they very openly displayed their disapproval that she didn't have a "plan".
Words cannot express my level of exhaustion at having to constantly explain to authority figures directly present in my life about how, no, i do not have any intention of attending university, i'd rather save my money, get a part-time job and play music. They seem unable to comprehend any of this, and i'm always being told to have a decent "plan" and to keep music as a hobbie. FUCK THAT! I intend to do what makes me happy, sure i'll be on the bones of my ass for money, but i'd rather be playing music and enjoying life then attending lectures everyday for something i have very little interests in and hating life.
Thank you Winona, for introducing the psychotic equivalent of me to myself.

I really don't enjoy being sick all that much.

Jenny's moan page.10 days ago
I'm really not happy right now. I'm hungry and all there is to eat is my secret stash of dark chocolate. so for the last three days, that's what i've been snacking on. I'm tired, my headache is so bad it feels like my brain is trying to expand and explode out of my skull, i'm stressed beyond the limit because i've missed so much school it's gonna be a bitch to try and catch up and i REALLY need to because if i fail ncea level one then i will shoot myself in the head for being so bloody useless. All the stress of that is in turn, making my flu worse which is stressing me out even further which is like a vicious cycle :S not to mention i'm freaking out about getting fat for some reason and i can't even exercise coz i can barely walk straight coz i'm so dizzy and my foot is screwed so i can't run anyway... ARGH. AND! It's raining again, what the hell!??! It went away and was beautiful and sunny for like a DAY, and now it's turned to sh*t again. WHAT is that about?!? And why isn't facebook letting me type my massive update all in one go?? why's that changed? My friggin body can't decide whether it wants to be hot or freezing. i miss my dad and he never ever replies to any of my messages or whatever online which pisses me off, i wanna move to Auckland so it's easier to go to casting calls, i want to be able to be open about my growing love for a certain amazing human being, and i want to get better so i can write music with Zakk, get it recorded, set up a myspace, youtube and bebo band account so we can be proactive and get noticed. BUT NONE OF THIS IS POSSIBLE WHEN I HAVE THE F**KING FLU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I dream big.

10 People I'd love to meet in my life, and why.14 days ago
1. Barack Obama- He's the first black president, which is incredible in itself, and he's the first political leader to ever make me feel secure, and like he's going to make a serious difference, a POSITIVE difference.

2. Slash- He's my complete idol. He inspires me everyday musically to carry on, go further, test my limits, live a little, explore new things, and regret nothing. I'd love to speak with him about his music and how he made it out of so much shit alive.

3. Jessica Origliasso- She's one of the most powerful woman alive in my opinion. She makes me feel proud of who i am because SHE is so open, honest, and comfortable with who she is. She's a major celebrity, and openly bisexual, she has total guts and is opinionated and makes a point to say something if she's not happy with the way things are going.
She inspires me <3

4. Evan Rachel Wood- She is my favourite actress, and every single movie she's in makes an impact on me. She's so talented and always manages to portray emotion, feeling and empathy in her roles. She's incredible.

5. Anthony Kiedis- He is THE most talented song writer I've ever had the privilege of experiencing EVER. Every single one of his songs contains so much meaning, love and emotion. All of it is so significant, and when i listen to his music, i just know that every song was as important to him as the next. It all means something and there's a story behind every single lyric. Also, when i'm upset, Anthony Kiedis's voice is one of the things that are absolutely guaranteed to cheer me up.

6. Duff McKagan- He's so insightful and so passionate about music and especially Punk Rock. I'd love to talk with him about his music and the punk rock era.

7. Winona Ryder- She's the cutest, most fierce little pixie on the planet. She's so cute with a fuckload of attitude and straight up talent. She may have gone through some troubles in the past with shoplifting and drug convictions, she has a lot of heart and she's one incredible woman who has been extremely successful. ALSO, She was engaged to Johnny Depp for three years, anyone who pulls Johnny Depp deserves some serious kudos in my opinion lol.

8. Axl Rose- Just because he's a fucking psychotic who tore apart Guns N' Roses and i'd like to hear his side of the story.
Also, he's an amazing lyricist.

9. Rhys Darby- Proud representation of new zealand. Highly entertaining.

10. Russell Brand- He's sexy as hell, has a hot as british accent, FUNNY AS HELL, 6 foot 3 and a recovering sex addict... need i say more/?!?

My Best Friend Emma Banbury <3

EB27 days ago
her face is asymmetrical, she's just as useless at tennis as i am, she holds my hand during funerals when I'm crying, she is absolutely amazing at writing poems and lyrics, she is an incredible masseuse, she always knows effective and enjoyable ways for me to vent my anger :)She gives me her honest opinion about everything, she tried to dye her hair brown and it went bright red, she accepts me for who i am and makes me feel good about myself, she cooks me yummy omelets, she sings like an angel and she keeps getting better, she understands me all the time, even when no one else does, she knows me better than anyone on the planet, she is my soul mate.

Good stuff :)

Top 5's27 days ago
1. Anthony Kiedis
2. Steven Tyler
3. Michael Jackson
4. KD Lang
5. Alanis Morissette

1. Guns N' Roses
2. Red Hot Chili Peppers
3. Aerosmith
4. The Veronicas
5. Slash's Snakepit

1. Sushi
2. Chocolate
3. Spring Rolls
4. Onion Tart
5. Avocado with Rice and Tamari sauce

1. Thirteen
2. True Romance
3. Rocky Horror Picture Show
4. Wanted
5. Heathers

1. My Michelle- Guns N' Roses
2. Secret- The Pierces
3. Everything- The Veronicas
4. Don't Get Mad, Get Even- Aerosmith
5. Johnny Get Angry- KD Lang

Powerful Woman
1. Perla Hudson
2. Jessica Origliasso
3. Marilyn Monroe
4. Megan Fox
5. Angelina Jolie

Dream Husband
1. Slash
2. Anthony Kiedis
3. Duff McKagan
4. A certain person who shall remain unnamed
5. Reeve Carney

Items of clothing
1. Fake leather jacket
2. Doc Martins
3. Zebra print dress
4. Black skinnies
5. Jean jacket

Dream Cities
1. Hollywood
2. New York
3. Paris
4. Venice
5. Hong Kong

Sites i visit daily
1. Twitter
2. Myspace
3. Facebook
4. Bebo
5. Youtube

TV shows
1. Sex and The City
2. Fringe
3. Gossip Girl
4. Elfen Lied
5. Ellen

1. Evan Rachel Wood
2. Winona Ryder
3. Angelina Jolie
4. Helena Bonham Carter
5. Susan Sarandon

1. Johnny Depp
2. Christian Slater
3. Ed Westwick
4. Seth Green
5. Jackie Chan

Greatest feelings
1. Being in love and having the person love you back
2. Performing in front of hundreds of people
3. Writing an original song
4. Sexual energy with someone that you think is sexy as hell
5. Watching Guns N' Roses dvds.


The twitter-war of the peroxide blondes straddling six string guitars28 days ago
Wow, Courtney Love seems to thoroughly enjoy twitter-slamming other peroxide blonde female musicians.
She lashed out at both Jessica Origliasso from the Veronicas and Taylor Momson from The Pretty Reckless, who also plays Jenny Humphrey on Gossip Girl.
Courtney Love seems to get extremely defensive and even accused Jess of stealing her clothes... the fuck?
I can understand her little outburst at Taylor Momson because she's an ungrateful, bratty, over-privileged bitch with no appreciation of how talented her band was, (she fired her entire band in the middle of a tour because apparently they didn't have the right "look"), but c'mon courts, it is so undignified watching/reading you insult other chicks who are ten years or more your junior.. You're still the queen of grunge so stop feeling threatened!!! Also, the shocking spelling and grammar don't do you ANY favours honey...

"aha ah so @taylorxmomson so sorry although now ive spazzed inront of alot of people i feel lame, but theres a look in the eyes icanalwaystel
3:19 PM Jul 30th from web

ahhh and after taht im just going to go to find a friend and have a Virgin daquiri im sure @taylorxmomson your very "sweet" but idontcare
3:11 PM Jul 30th from web

oh btw i doubt it would be from me that BAM, i think it would be from every "freak" and Fag" in high school you ever picked on. Christ!UGH
3:10 PM Jul 30th from web

@taylorxmomson if i was pissy about every chick that every bit me id be busy indeed your just annoyingly cloyingly wrong.WORKWITHYRHANDS
3:09 PM Jul 30th from web

@taylorxmomson is that youyr name? i dont watch tv or read teen mags and gossip rags so i wouldnt know, do NOT still "like my music"please
3:09 PM Jul 30th from web

@taylorxmomson shut the FUCK up you overpriveliged bratty bitch that picked one every freak in high school mention my name again? BAM"

Jesus... what is becoming of girl world??

Deep and meaningful... I do get gushy :)

My idea of love.35 days ago
It's when you care about that person so much, that merely the THOUGHT of them getting hurt, being let down, feeling disappointed, getting physically harmed... or just feeling pain in any way, tears apart the very depths of your soul because it breaks your heart to see them sad, and you would do ANYTHING in the WORLD to protect them from feeling pain.

It's when the thought of them takes over your mind, and you forget everything else in the world and are happy simply picturing them smile or laugh, and it takes you away on a day-dream.

It's when you see them in person, and you wish you could hold them and cling to them and snuggle up to them forever, to ignore everything else and just stay there with them, forget all the conflicts in the world around you just to be with that person.

It's when you don't need fancy Balls or parties, or big events to be happy, as long as your being held by that person, you feel perfect and don't need anything else in the world to please you.
It's when you don't need a "Big White Wedding" to prove your love, you just need yourself and that person, and you can conquer the world.

It's when you don't need to see each other or talk to each other 24/7, sure you'll miss each other to the point where you'll feel sick, but you trust each other and know it'll be worth the wait when you next see them.

It's when you can lie naked with them or shower with them, and have it not be sexual in any way, you're just emotionally connected and happy to be in an intimate situation, to respect and love each others bodies in their most vulnerable state.

It's when you miss them so much you feel sick and unable to function properly, just seconds after you've said goodbye to them...

That's my idea of love.

Yay for us!

To live for four things...39 days ago
It has been brought to my attention, that there are four things in life that are scientifically proven to release endorphins, which make you happy.

Those four things are:
1. Exercise
2. Chocolate
3. Cold water on your body after exercise
4. Sex.

So i've decided that I'm going to embrace this new revelation of mine and use those four things to enjoy my life as best i can.
Given i have to actually lose my virginity first.. but i'll get to that lol
But yeah, it's a win/win situation, and the fact that i'll be eating chocolate will be cancelled out by all the running and i'll get a hot body in the process, which will in turn make me more confident and happier, and by using the cold water theory i'll recover better from my exercise so i'll be able to be in better shape.
Also, by having a hot body, the sex will just be better in general hahaha

So this takes me back to my point of, why does everyone make life so difficult for themselves?
There are four perfectly good solutions to making life easier and more enjoyable RIGHT THERE! Take my advice people, give it a shot and see how you feel.

love. x

Ask yourself?

Victory or Death.43 days ago
So i came to the conclusion the other day, that every single person in the world makes life more difficult for themselves than it needs to be.
I mean seriously, we make life so much harder for ourselves by getting ourselves in to unnecessary debt, betraying friends, spreading secrets, holding unnecessary grudges, hurting other people for revenge with no positive outcome...
It all adds to the drama that is our day to day lives. Think about how much easier and chill life would be if we all just took a step back, took a deep breath had a look at how far we've come, what we're doing wrong, what we're doing right, what we can improve, and what we need to stop worrying about.
We don't have to make things so bloody difficult for ourselves.
Also, it seems to have a whirlpool effect, when we're pissed off and things aren't working out so great, we get mad, and when we get mad, others feel it too and get mad also, then everyone's mood sinks and it just turns to shit.
Take a leaf out of the Beatles book, get stoned, chill out, write music about things that are pissing you off or hurting you and forget about the things you cannot change.

Thanks for letting me have that little rant.

Continued ramblings...

Jenny's moan page.47 days ago
I'm so over school. i want to drop out so bad but i know that's not the right thing OR the smart thing to do... argh I really just want to pursue my musical dreams, i have this awful feeling of being trapped, like i won't succeed, like i'll be a failure to myself.
It's such an awful feeling. makes me want to vomit and go jump off a bridge.
I just cannot be fucked with school. i just wanna write and perform my own music, go get covered in tattoos, live in a big city, start my own business, not be ashamed or guilty of who i am, drink whenever i like, live life, be free and happy.
I'm so goddamn frustrated that i'm NOT GETTING ANYWHERE that it's slowly killing me. ARGH!
And i know i sound like a regular teenage girl with regular teenage dramas and regular teenage hormones, but FUCK! It's a big deal to me!

anyways, moving on to another thing that's pissing me off royally,
I'm a little weird about naming names here so i'm not gonna do it, but there is a certain person who i used to have close intimate relations with, but it ended really badly and now that person has been spreading shit about me far and wide, and you know what? most of it is BULLSHIT!!!
This is pissing me off because now a whole lot of people hate me for fake reasons and are believing all this shit about me which isn't true.
I wish you would all give me a chance to prove that i really am nothing like what he's made me out to be. One of my best friends originally believed what he said, but then actually got to know me and realized how different i am and now we are really really great friends.
This person who's spreading lies about me seems to have forgotten how badly he treated me and the SHIT he put me through which is why i left him in the first place!
This is the first time i am standing up for myself publicly because i've been so reluctant to cause more drama and make it worse for myself, also, the one thing i have to stand up for myself, legally i can't tell anyone, but bloody fuck, this is getting ridiculous.
It hurts my feelings and makes me want to cry when i find out what people i don't even know, believe about me. A lot of people have eaten that shit up with a spoon and won't even give me a chance.
I'm a much better person than you realize.
Please,just give me the chance to prove it.

All the ramblings from previous blogs over the last two months.

I am NOT sorry.
64 days ago
Ok, well this has been bugging me for ages now, and when i say ages, i mean a decent year or so.
I don't give a shit if no one reads this, but i need to say it.

I am NOT sorry, and will not apologize for who I am.
I realize that I'm more of an extrovert than other people, I listen to rock and roll music such as Guns N' Roses, Aerosmith and Led Zeppelin when others listen to Chris Brown, Rihanna, Lady Gaga and Jonas Brothers. I like Michael Jackson's music. I dress like a teen rebel from the 80s. I'm opinionated and straight up. I tend to be over-dramatic, though this year i'm HEAAPPSS more chill than usual. I get along with guys FAR better than girls. I don't hang out with a lot of people my own age, i tend to get along with older people. The lyrics to songs that i write are abstract, personal and deep and weird. I love body modifications (if they're tasteful). I have an open mind to all different kinds of people whether that be race, gender, sexuality etc. I'm totally open to embracing sexuality (capacity for sexual feelings/sexual activity), when i have conversations with others, i tend to use big longs words that most people don't understand, i think a lot of people are stupid just because they are rude and don't use common sense, i'm NOT a bitch whether you believe it or not, unless someone has RREEAALLLYYY pissed me off and done something seriously bad to hurt me, i don't bitch about anyone behind their back, I was born with voluptuous curves e.g my ass, waist, hips and boobs and i wear bright red lipstick A LOT of the time, including to school on mufti days.

There's is so much of myself that I hold back because i know that if i just let go, i will be scrutinized, bullied and just have my life generally made hell by those around me because these days, SO many people are close minded.
It's part of the reason i can't wait to move to a big city.

But you know what? I'm not sorry for who i am. I'm proud of who i've become.
I don't have loads and loads and loads of friends, i'm not extremely popular and i'm not mainstream, but i wouldn't swap with ANYONE.
I'm happy with who i am and i'm SICK of being fucking judged for it!!!
Those who do bother to get to know me are always pleasantly surprised by how different i am as a person to what they expect me to be.
I'm a brilliant listener and a loyal friend. I never backstab my friends and will do whatever it takes to stick by them.

I've been described with the statement: "It's like there's the rest of the school.... and then there's Jenny."
but you know what?
Not only is that true, but that's the way i like it.
If i have to change who i am and my hobbies and interests and the way i dress act and behave just to have heaps of friends that i'm not really close to or care about very much and to fit in at school, then i would MUCH rather be an outcast.

I love my friends very much, and i have a tight group of them who i would die for.
That works for me just fine.

so once again, i will not apologize for who i am and i'm sick of being gossiped about.