Saturday, August 29, 2009


Girl, Interrupted.8 days ago
I just watched the film "Girl, Interrupted" starring Winona Ryder and Angelina Jolie- It was brilliant. I've been hanging out to see this film for a couple of weeks now and i've recently become a massive fan of Winona Ryder, i think she's is an absolutely fantastic actress who is insanely talented with great access to herself, and i have such great admiration for her, but i didn't come here to talk about my admiration for Winona, I'm writing to talk about the film itself, and how i found it extremely intriguing and thought-provoking.
Winona's character Susanna was admitted to a psychiatric hospital for "Borderline Personality Disorder" even though she didn't even understand what that meant and didn't feel crazy in any way, shape or form, but reluctantly signed the papers confirming her admittance.
I was a little frightened but how deeply i felt i could relate to Susanna... Now, don't get me wrong, i'm not crazy, sure i have my moments and had many accusations and rumours thrown my way that suggest otherwise, but jesus people, be realistic! I am not mentally ill. I felt i was able to relate to Susanna through her view of the world... At one point in the film, she went on to tell one of the doctors, after her fellow patient-friend Daisy committed suicide in her own home after being set free and declared "recovered", that had she had the chance, she would've gone upstairs to Daisy's room after being slammed and accused of a sexually incestuous relationship with her loving father by Lisa (Angelina Jolie), and spoke to her about how she understood what it feels like to try so hard and yet, despite all your best efforts, be unable to fit in with society, to physically harm yourself on the outside just to try and kill the thing on the inside... (I don't self-harm either btw), to feel like such an outcast, not knowing how to relate to others.
After listening to her pour out her deepest thoughts and emotions, i was truly struck by how i agreed with her and understood her pain..
I'm not writing all this with the expectation that people will comment with sympathy and kind words, in fact, i don't even really expect this to get read at all, and if it does, i expect harsh words and yet MORE insults and rumours if anything. Wow, what a pleasant society we live in these days.
My main problem is that i really can't relate to others, I might as well be on another fucking planet ALL TOGETHER to be honest. It sucks and it makes high school increasingly difficult, but what can you do? All we can do is just be who we are, be assertive and do our best to make sure others don't bring us down.
I get where Susanna was coming from, and to some extent, i've been there. But i won't allow it to get me down.
Also, another point in which i was like "holy fuck, that's just like me!", is when they told her of how wrong and abnormal it was that, once she graduated from high school, she had no intention of attending college, she simply wanted to settle down and write. This was highly frowned upon by authority figures around her and they very openly displayed their disapproval that she didn't have a "plan".
Words cannot express my level of exhaustion at having to constantly explain to authority figures directly present in my life about how, no, i do not have any intention of attending university, i'd rather save my money, get a part-time job and play music. They seem unable to comprehend any of this, and i'm always being told to have a decent "plan" and to keep music as a hobbie. FUCK THAT! I intend to do what makes me happy, sure i'll be on the bones of my ass for money, but i'd rather be playing music and enjoying life then attending lectures everyday for something i have very little interests in and hating life.
Thank you Winona, for introducing the psychotic equivalent of me to myself.

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