Productive Sunday.

I'm really pleased with myself, because today I had a productive day! And this is awesome because it's Sunday and I'm NEVER productive on Sundays. Usually I lie around all day feeling miserable, contemplating that the following day is monday, and no one likes Mondays.
EXCEPT! I'm looking forward to tomorrow because it's my dear friend Dallas's 17th birthday and I can't wait to give him his present :)
But anyway, today I woke up naturally at ten to 8 in the morning, delighted to find that it was a beautiful sunny day. I checked my blog, read the latest "healthy tipping point" entry as I do every day, I showered, then I cooked a SWEET breakfast for Mitchell and I. My fav, french toast with Wholemeal bread with real Maple Syrup and frozen Blueberries on top :)
YUMMA!
We waited about 45 minutes for our food to settle, I slathered on the sunblock, listened to Red Hot Chili Peppers, then we headed off for our intense bush walk up the Bird Walk (which is a short distance, but heavily made up of almost vertical flights of stairs and never-ending hills). It was HARD OUT! I had forgotten just how much of a workout those flights of stairs are. I was huffing and puffing and totally exhausted, but I kept myself motivated by thinking about how great it is for me and how amazing those stairs will help my butt to look haha. It works! Seriously :D


It was also extremely hot, but I was grateful for the change up in work out, it was a good break from my regular 5k running route. Also, I was able to eat 4 squares of yummy Cadbury Crunchie bar chocolate and not feel guilty :) I've decided to stop feeling so bad whenever I allow myself to have a little treat. I'm so harsh on myself and it's really unfair to my self-esteem and self-confidence. 


After the Bird Walk we exited out Whitehorse drive, carried on up the gorge hill, walked down Hillcrest, down the Rock Pitt steps, down Commerce street, through the Gypsy fair and back home. The whole excursion took about 2 hours and at the end Mitchell stated that that's the best workout he's had in weeks haha. Mitchell is not overly athletic, so kudos to him for giving it his best efforts and keeping up with me!


When we got home we chillaxed with a good movie, "The Boat That Rocked" I LOVED it!! It was so so so funny, and I was so proud to see Rhys Darby repping NZ. It was so good, I highly recommend it to anyone who loves Rock N' Roll and is interested in a light-hearted comedy with lots of naked girls ;]


After that we had our eats, in the middle of the movie I had strawberry Greek Yoghurt with Walnuts, Almonds and Oats and after I had half a can of tinned peaches and some "hot pork", it was so good! And kept me full for ages which is good.


I'm booking my learners license tomorrow! Exciting stuff!!! I'm going to go for  my Motorbike license at the same time. I can't wait to be able to drive, I'll feel so independent, I'm really truly excited at the idea for the first time in my life.


Peace!
xoxo

It's NOT making me stronger :(

I'm having a really bad afternoon... my day was going just fine until i got home. I'm really angry because I came home from school as fast as I could, abandoning the plans I had with Dallas because mum and I had discussed going to the gym this afternoon for a consultation as well as buying a few things to help me with running so I don't have such awful knee pain.
Yeah well, NONE of that happened. I got home and she said "I just got back from being out for a long time, I'm not that interested in going out again", WELL THAT'S NOT MY PROBLEM! We had plans, I ditched a friend for them, and then she decided she wasn't going to go anywhere. Awesome mum. Really helpful.
I'm afraid to go running again because my knee's are stuffed so whenever I do, after half an hour my knees are burning! I wanted some protection to help prevent that!


I really want to leave Whakatane. it's driving me insane, every single day I have to go to school knowing that there is all this bullshit about me, all these lies and I can't defend myself. Usually it wouldn't bother me what others think, but this bothers me because it's interfering with my friendship with someone amazing who I would die for. It's REALLY interfering, and it's so so upsetting for me to have it be like that :(
I'd love to leave the country. Start COMPLETELY fresh, leave behind the fucked up past and just have a completely clean slate where no one knows anything unless I tell them.
Canada is where I'm thinking. Only problem is getting a Canadian passport and funding it so I'm able to live there...
Mum lectures me telling me Karma is on my side and it will come back and bite them in the ass, but that's not gonna happen within the next two years, and there is no fucking way I am putting up with this shit, unjustified for the next two years of my schooling.
I need an escape but I don't know what to do... :(
I'm really upset and in a really bad mood today, and not even Operation Beautiful can cheer me up.
Mum says it'll all make me stronger, but FUCK IT! It's been 9 months and I'm getting increasingly weaker..
High school is like a fucking jungle, you'll be lucky to get out alive.


I need help to smile.
Any suggestions?


<3