Scar Tissue

SWITCHED TO WORDPRESS!!

2009-09-25T13:14:00.000-07:00

Yes that's right, I'll no longer be using blogger, I exported my blog to Wordpress, so it's all there :) I'll be using WordPress from now on, so if you would like to continue reading my blog, please do, visit it here:
http://jennylikestorun.wordpress.com I'll still be updating everyday! It'll just be with a flasher layout ;)

Holidays are here!

2009-09-25T01:08:00.000-07:00

Today on the last day of term, it occurred to me how enormously unhappy school makes me. The reason for this is purely because of the people.
There are so many people who are just unpleasant, disruptive and unmotivated.
They care for nobody but themselves and spend the majority of the time that should be spent learning, acting like complete douchebags, convinced that they're absolutely hilarious.
I've failed two practice exams because of this disruptive behaviour because they were Aural exams and I was unable to focus and LISTEN. They fail to comply to common exam etiquette and so we all pay the price.
This does not make for a very pleasant high school experience, especially since HS is stressful enough without extra distractions.
It's so difficult to concentrate and focus on achieving excellence when the teacher is too busy shouting in their ear and directing their focus at trying to control these stupid people, their teacher efforts are wasted and cancelled out by the fact that they can't reinforce them and go over it all properly with us.

It. Is. So. FRUSTRATING!

Especially sine next year it gets serious. The subjects I'm taking are English Excellence, Math Combo, Biology, Chemistry, P.E Elite and Health. It's so important for me to do well in these subjects because they are required for the course I plan to take at uni.
By the way, I had an appointment with the school Careers Advisor this morning and we went over all my plans, subjects and future goals and I've come to the conclusion that I'd be better off to stay at school for year 13 for four reasons:

1. So I don't get a shock with the huge step up from level 2 to course work.
2. So I can go further with the subjects I'm taking and gain extra knowledge that will be of use to me for my course
3. To increase the chances of being accepted to any institution I choose to apply for
and 4. To gain university entrance to have something to fall back on.

I have however decided that perhaps university would be a better option for me because after researching the course outlines etc, Massey University seems to be a better choice than Wintec.
anyway, back to where I was...

I want to do a 3 year Bachelor in Sport and Exercise and after that do a post-graduate degree in Journalism. This is so I can be a fitness and health blogger/journalist. I think a University rather than polytech would be a better choice simply to broaden my horizons in my particular area of study.
I want to get the most out of my money and determination.

Only thing in my way is the stupid people who are disturbing my focus! It's ridiculous!!! and UNFAIR.

On a more positive note, it was the last day of school term today and I ran 7k's! Today our percussion group performed in full school assembly. We were so nervous!!! But we had an awesome time and everyone loved it :) There were a few mistakes here and there, but it sounded MINT overall, and that's all that matters.
Afterwards we all went back into the music room and had a MEEAANNN feed! We had chocolate, chocolate biscuits, fizzy drink, chips, chocolate fish, shapes, crackers, lollies... ugh EVERYTHING! I ate so much chocolate haha, it's my secret weakness. I felt so sick after though, that's the most fat and sugar my body has had in one single sitting in months, and I felt sick for two whole periods.
It was heaps of fun though and I've become rather attached to my fellow bucket-drummers :)

anyway, the chocolate binge is was motivated me to consider running 2k's longer than I usually do. Once again it was miserable and raining but I went anyway. I took it reealllyyy slow because since I haven't run 7k's in months, I can't remember how I pace myself, so I took it really slow so I wouldn't burn out. It took me about 50 minutes which is SHAMEFUL, but I realized that I'm fully able to speed it up because once I got home I felt like I'd only run 5k. The biggest issue was my right knee, during the last k home it was SO sore. I almost couldn't finish because it hurt so bad. I'm really going to have to do something about that so it doesn't get worse. I plan to book a physiotherapy appointment and start going to the gym to strengthen my thigh muscles to help stop the pain.
Once I got home I iced my knees for 15 minutes which felt AMAZING, and did my arm weights. My arms are getting super buff and I love it :)
I've decided that I'm going use my 5k run's as speed training, just run as hard as I can the whole way, and do some distance training on other days, which will be (obviously) extending my distance. Tomorrow I plan to run 10k's and then on Sunday I'll rest and Monday I'll do a 5k. Maybe I'll drop even more minutes off my time and be within the 20-30 minute range??? that. would. be. SWEET!

Well, as I mentioned in the title, the holidays are here! and I'm really excited :) These holidays I plan to:
Run, blog, study, travel, socialize and weight lift haha.
There are some people that I can't wait to spend some seriously good time with.
Nothing like time with loved ones :)

Anyway, it's 8pm and I'm exhausted. I think i'll go to bed.
Goodnight!
xx

What are your holiday plans? What's your favourite way to exercise, if at all?

Braving the pouring rain and freezing cold in running shoes, shorts, my anorak and Ipod!

2009-09-24T00:03:00.000-07:00

Today I just proved the ultimate test of dedication... I hadn't been for a run in 2 days and I was dying to get out an go, but it was absolutely FREEZING outside and pouring bucketloads of rain. I decided to suck it up and get out and go anyway. I was definitely motivated by Caitlin's blogposts on running in less-than-desirable conditions on her blog HealthyTippingPoint.com (which is an awesome blog by the way, I strongly recommend you check it out).

So I borrowed my mothers new red Anorak (second hand), put on my tiny running shorts, laced up my running shoes and off I went!

WELL, let me tell you..

I. Got. WET. That anorak was most definitely NOT water proof, I felt like I was running through a constant full-force shower! I was able to wring-out my running shorts at the end haha and my shoes had a pond in each. When I was running, I originally tried to avoid puddles because I wanted to reduce wet-feet as much as possible, and I was going pretty well till I got about 1.5k's in and I stepped in what I thought was a very shallow and safe puddle, and actually ended up being a good 2 inches deep. Good stuff lol.

So for the rest of the 5k I gave up caring, despite the fact that the amount of water was so great that it felt like I was running with weights attached to my ankles.

Nevertheless, I ran the fastest 5k I have ever run before! I clocked it in 33 minutes!! That's a new PR! I was so so happy. I'm not entirely sure what caused my huge boost of energy so I was able to knock so much time off, It could've been a number of things:

1. Super-food sushi for lunch

2. Day days rest from any intense exercise

3. A good 11 hours of sleep last night

4. Freezing my butt off and dripping from head to toe with water and just wanting to get home.

Hmmm, probably a combination of all four I'd say?

Either way, I was very VERY pleased, and that just made it more worthwhile having run in such icky conditions.

I find that if I rest for longer than 2 days, I tend to lose motivation, so I try not to go more than two days without running because I forget what the endorphins feel like and I get just a little too comfortable with being lazy, which isn't good.

I think that by setting long-term fitness goals though, that will help me stay motivated to keep running.

Once I got back from running, I removed all my wet clothing, stretched in front of the nice warm fire, showered, then did some weights to help strengthen my arms. I just used a 1kg today.

Oh! Something I've forgotten to mention thus far, I found out some wonderful news yesterday which completely lightened my mood considering that I had a really terrible day and I was generally miserable the entire time.

I made it into Year 12 P.E Elite!!!

I can't believe I did it! Considering I didn't take P.E this year, I am so lucky to have been academically successful enough to prove that I am capable.

Ms Dobben, the Head Of Department for P.E said that she felt I was well capable and that the motivation was there and she expects me to do well. I was so proud that she has that level of faith in me as an athlete, that that alone is enough to keep me going.

I couldn't thank her enough.

P.E Elite will offer so many opportunities in sport which will be so beneficial to me and will also look fantastic on my application to Wintec in November of next year.

An example of and awesome opportunity we're offered is a two day Ski Trip! I love skiing and I haven't been in four years! Next year will make that five, so I'm so excited at the prospect of being able to attend that.

Anyway, I just sent an email to the local newspaper, the Whakatane Beacon, asking them to consider the possibility of letting me write an entertainment article for them. I feel I'm capable and I outlined the reasons why I thought I would be good for the job.

I was inspired to do this after reading one of the blog posts from HealthyTippingPoint about being afraid to ask for things.

I found it really thought-provoking, and instantly decided that I was going to do something I've been meaning to do for months, request permission to write an article for the local newspaper.

I would love the experience and the exposure it would give me, also the pride I would get from knowing I am good enough to have my work published locally.

That's a step in the right direction towards my ultimate goal of being a healthy eating/fitness blogger and journalist.

Lastly, eats for today included:

Homemade raw Granola and Milk for breakfast with a coffee (of course!),

Walnuts and Almonds plus and Apple for Interval

Marmite on Wholegrain bread, an Apple and four pieces of AWESOME sushi for lunch

and Lean beef with brown rice and peanut sauce for dinner.

nom nom nom!

Goodnight everybody. x

Up and out!... With cuts and grazes.

2009-09-21T23:01:00.000-07:00

Wow... today has definitely been an interesting day... This stupid b*tch with a nasty attitude problem who's a year younger than me, smashed a window on me at the end of Lunchtime. I was lent up against the window and she punched the glass and it smashed all over me, I got glass EVERYWHERE. All down my shirt, in my bra, down my back, in my collar, in my hair. I have several little cuts on my neck and back now, not to mention my hands which had glass sticking out of them.
Obviously, there was quite a crowd that gathered outside the window in excitement, and me, not really giving a sh*t that they were there, just wanted to get the glass off so I stripped in front of all of them lol. It only registered to me when I was in the sick bay that there had been pretty much half the male population of the school watching me strip to my bra. Oh well, like I always say: Everyone loves naked b*tches. It doesn't bother me, I've never been shy with that sort of thing.
They'll get over it.
Anyway, it took AGES to get all the glass off, I changed my top to my P.E shirt which I luckily had with me in my bag (reason why I took my top off), and I still had microscopic little shards stuck in my skin which hurt like a bitch and required a shower to fully remove.
I WAS TOTALLY PISSED. Seriously, I have never wanted to punch someone so bad in my life. I wanted to do two things, 1. Punch her as hard as I could in the face, and 2. Curl up in the arms of a particular person and CRY!
I did neither.
I didn't hit her because I know better than that, she's a crazy b*tch and would've totally kicked my ass and because I would've gotten in heaps of trouble and I didn't want anymore drama than necessary because I knew there would be some as a result. And I didn't cry because that's stupid and sissy in that situation and I had a feeling that that certain person wouldn't be very interested in comforting me, which would've made me feel worse.
Haylie went with me to the sickbay to clean the glass out of my skin and wait with me while the DP came and spoke to me about what happened. I went home early and completely missed 5th period so I could go home and shower to wash my hair and remove any excess glass.
The thing I hate the most, is knowing that people will be gossiping about it now, the fact that there was a broken window and that I took my top off in front of heaps of people, which to me is no big deal. I HATE being the topic of gossip. It's so primary school.

Anyway, I'm moving on from that now, that girl will get in trouble and my life will continue as normal with a few extra healing cuts.
It's all made easier to get over because I have the knowledge that in one short year, I will be finishing high school forever to go to Wintec in Hamilton and do a three year Bachelor in Sport and Exercise Science, and then once I'm finished, do a one year Diploma in Journalism. EXCITING STUFF!!
Possibly the most exciting factor about all this, is knowing that I'll be finished with stupid high school drama. I feel like I've outgrown high school, not in the sense of work and level of difficulty, but the shit that goes on, the drama and constant issues and just general immaturity. Today's little demonstration is a perfect example of it all, and I feel as though it's all so beneath me. I'm so ready for new and exciting things, independence and maturity. A real chance to live life and enjoy it.
Also, at the risk of contradicting myself and sounding immature, I'm so excited to be leaving behind people who have created havoc in my life and caused my life to feel like hell. There are so many people that I'm so relieved I will never have to see again in my life.
My life without them in it, seems absolutely blissful! There are no words to describe the level of stress that will be removed from my shoulders. I'm so ready to move on and leave the past behind. 2011 is when my life will truly begin :)

I can hardly wait.

Productive Sunday.

2009-09-19T22:49:00.000-07:00

I'm really pleased with myself, because today I had a productive day! And this is awesome because it's Sunday and I'm NEVER productive on Sundays. Usually I lie around all day feeling miserable, contemplating that the following day is monday, and no one likes Mondays.
EXCEPT! I'm looking forward to tomorrow because it's my dear friend Dallas's 17th birthday and I can't wait to give him his present :)
But anyway, today I woke up naturally at ten to 8 in the morning, delighted to find that it was a beautiful sunny day. I checked my blog, read the latest "healthy tipping point" entry as I do every day, I showered, then I cooked a SWEET breakfast for Mitchell and I. My fav, french toast with Wholemeal bread with real Maple Syrup and frozen Blueberries on top :)
YUMMA!
We waited about 45 minutes for our food to settle, I slathered on the sunblock, listened to Red Hot Chili Peppers, then we headed off for our intense bush walk up the Bird Walk (which is a short distance, but heavily made up of almost vertical flights of stairs and never-ending hills). It was HARD OUT! I had forgotten just how much of a workout those flights of stairs are. I was huffing and puffing and totally exhausted, but I kept myself motivated by thinking about how great it is for me and how amazing those stairs will help my butt to look haha. It works! Seriously :D

It was also extremely hot, but I was grateful for the change up in work out, it was a good break from my regular 5k running route. Also, I was able to eat 4 squares of yummy Cadbury Crunchie bar chocolate and not feel guilty :) I've decided to stop feeling so bad whenever I allow myself to have a little treat. I'm so harsh on myself and it's really unfair to my self-esteem and self-confidence.

After the Bird Walk we exited out Whitehorse drive, carried on up the gorge hill, walked down Hillcrest, down the Rock Pitt steps, down Commerce street, through the Gypsy fair and back home. The whole excursion took about 2 hours and at the end Mitchell stated that that's the best workout he's had in weeks haha. Mitchell is not overly athletic, so kudos to him for giving it his best efforts and keeping up with me!

When we got home we chillaxed with a good movie, "The Boat That Rocked" I LOVED it!! It was so so so funny, and I was so proud to see Rhys Darby repping NZ. It was so good, I highly recommend it to anyone who loves Rock N' Roll and is interested in a light-hearted comedy with lots of naked girls ;]

After that we had our eats, in the middle of the movie I had strawberry Greek Yoghurt with Walnuts, Almonds and Oats and after I had half a can of tinned peaches and some "hot pork", it was so good! And kept me full for ages which is good.

I'm booking my learners license tomorrow! Exciting stuff!!! I'm going to go for my Motorbike license at the same time. I can't wait to be able to drive, I'll feel so independent, I'm really truly excited at the idea for the first time in my life.

Peace!
xoxo

RIP Harlow my baby :'(

2009-09-18T14:51:00.000-07:00

So I woke to some terrible news this morning... My Kitten Harlow got run over and she died.
I'm incredibly upset about it, she was the cutest, most kind natured and adorable little bundle of fluff I've ever had as a pet.
I've never had a cat like her. She always used to be happiest when she was wrapped around your next like a scarf and you always new she was happy because she'd purr like a lawn-mower :)
Even my Uncle who is allergic to cats, loved her and took to her instantly, carrying her around on his shoulder and feeding her meat scraps when he was cooking the barbie.
I'll miss her so so much and I can't believe she's gone already :( We've had her since March and she's been the best kitten.
I love her.
Here are some shots of me and my gorgeous girl:

RIP my baby xoxoxoxoxoxoxo I'll miss you.

Cross country recap!

2009-09-16T22:29:00.000-07:00

Well today I ran the school cross country for the first time in my entire LIFE. So that alone is a serious achievement for me.
UNFORTUNATELY, It didn't go too well for me, for reasons which are entirely my own fault.
The worst thing that I did today was not drinking water. I had my 1.5 liter bottle with me as usual, but because I have this ridiculous fear of having to pee whilst running, I didn't drink any of it. So the only liquid I had had all day was a cup of strong coffee at 7 in the morning.
It did not go down well at ALL.
I felt absolutely dreadful through the entire duration of the short run because I was running in the boiling hot sun feeling dehydrated and suffering Acid Reflux. I felt like at any time I was going to vomit acid.
YUCK. I had to WALK a little bit of the way because I was in too much pain, I was so disappointed in myself.
Another bad mistake I made was not wearing sunblock. It was boiling hot and the sun was less than forgiving on my bare, exposed arms, legs, ears and face and even though I don't think I got sunburnt, it was on my mind the entire time. I hate getting sunburnt because it's so bad for you.
Finally, I need to start running regularly on rough-terrain. At one point in the track we had to run through a paddock, and the ground was so bumpy and uneven, I was terrified I was going to twist an ankle.
Maybe next time I'll tape up my ankles?
I also wish I'd worn a hairband to hold back my fringe because when I was running through the paddock it was ten times more difficult to concentrate on my footing because I couldn't see properly.

Overall, I came 27th. Now that is still a massive achievement for me :) Because in my history with cross-country, I've never made an effort and I always wound up coming within the last TEN people.
That's embarrassing.
So despite the less than favourable conditions, I'm happy with my placing :)
I know I could've done much better if I had've taken in to consideration those factors, but what can you do?
Next year I'll do even better.

Some things I'd change or will do better next year:
1. Stay hydrated throughout the day and bring a small water bottle with me.
2. Tie ALL my hair back
3. Wear plenty of sunblock
4. Wear less heat absorbing clothing
5. Train on uneven surfaces more often.

I'm a little embarrassed that as a runner I didn't do better, but it'll give me a chance to prove myself next time.

Interval training.. ugghhh

2009-09-14T22:49:00.000-07:00

Since we're doing a P.E module at the moment in Health, it calls for outdoor activity obviously, and I couldn't be happier! There's nothing I enjoy more than getting outside and being active, but MAN, today we did a fitness/cardio activity, and far out, it was HARD! I'm trained as a long distance runner, which means when I run I start out slow and gradually build up to a fast, steady pace. So when we do sprints, after about two, I burn out.
I hate sprints.
Something I did notice though, is that by the 8th round, I was still able to sprint as hard as I had during the first, whereas the rest of my group had slowed significantly.
I'm fitter than I thought :) So even though I was lagging behind for the first few rounds, it paid off in the end.
I really should do more interval training, it's so good for fitness, It would be highly beneficial for me.
Usually I do half an hour of interval training, I make a 30 minute playlist for my ipod and for each song I do a different action. So for example, for one song I would jog, the next song I would skip (with a jump rope), the next song I would walk and the next song I would sprint.
But I rarely do it because it's so tiring. I think I'll change things up though, I'll go to the park instead and sprint/run fast around a lap of the field, then walk one the sprint one etc.
I prefer to be in open spaces, I usually do interval training on my tennis court.
Mum lent me a book called "Deliciously Natural", and it's a bit of a family heirloom, my Grandma bought it for mum for her 24th birthday when they were both hard out marathon runners, Mum said that that book helped her IMMENSELY, and when she followed the guidelines she said she had so much energy, she was able to knock several minutes off her running times!
So I've been reading up to help me learn new ways of eating and staying healthy. So a new and improved diet, combined with some serious, regular interval training should help me reach my goal of 5k in 25 minutes or less :]

Makes me excited just thinking about it!!

Something I truly HATE with a passion, is being hungry. Argh it's such an awful, frustrating sensation! Usually, I pack a really decent lunch for school, have a huge breakfast and balance my food out well so I'm full most of the time and don't get hungry, but today was awful.
I completely underestimated the amount of food I would need to re-fuel after P.E and I got SO hungry, I was really upset and grumpy for the afternoon.
Being hungry sucks because you can't concentrate, it's hard to function properly without adequate energy, and it especially sucks at high school because you can't do anything about it! Since you're responsible for packing your own lunch, if you don't bring enough, tough shit!
I also hate that they don't allow us to snack during class. By "snack", I don't mean eating a sandwich, cup o soup and various fruits, I mean little things like bags of nuts, crackers and muesli bars to help us re-fuel when we start to lag.
I hate skipping meals too because it's so bad for your body and makes your body GAIN weight during short periods of time, and I like my body to have a healthy, balanced metabolism and meals! So today I was seriously pissed off.

I'm a little irritated because I pulled a few muscles today from sprints because the teacher never offered us the chance to stretch afterwards -_-
Frustrating.
I plan to do 15minutes or so of yoga tonight though because it's my "rest" day, so hopefully that'll ease some discomfort.

Anyway!
I have a super busy night filled with meal-planning and studying, so I'm outties.
xoxo

Maths or no maths?

2009-09-12T21:17:00.000-07:00

I feel like I've had a really productive day today. I woke up at 9.30, had a yummy breakfast of All Bran with chopped Banana on top. Then I went on the computer for a little bit, caught up with bebo/myspace/facebook comments etc, then made plans with Mum to go to the Hub to buy a new sports bra and running shorts for me.
I was sooo happy to get a bra and new shorts. I didn't have a sports bra at all previously and that made running extremely uncomfortable, also I didn't have any decent running shorts so it was cool to get some of them.
Once I got home I made myself lunch which was a smoothie with Spinach, Banana, Frozen Blueberries, Pineapple juice and two teaspoons of Spiralina powder. I was a little nervous with this one because I've never put Spinach in a smoothie before, but it turned out really great! You could barely taste the spinach and it just tasted really nicely of pineapple :)
I also had a slice of bread with a little bit of peanut butter on it, folded in half as a sandwich for pre-run fuel. I waited half an hour after I'd finished eating to wait for my food to settle, and then off I went on my 5k!
I got to test out my new sports wear, and I have to say, I am 100% satisfied with how they worked for me. The shorts were brilliant, and I can't express how great it was to run with a bra that has good support.
I ran harder and faster than I've ever run before in my life because I'm speed-training. I was STUFFED by the end, but it was totally worth it :) I really enjoyed it.
It's cross-country on Thursday, so hopefully I'll get a better place than 6th or 5th to LAST like I have over the majority of my life haha.
My time was 38 minutes, that still seems like a lot since my goal is to run 5k in under 25 minutes, but I knocked TWELVE minutes off my usual time! SA-WEET! That is such a great achievement for me and I'm so proud that I accomplished that.
I stretched and did a bit of yoga once I got home, but I don't think it helped much, my legs are quite stiff at the moment.
I chilled out, listening to some music for about an hour and then sat back and watched Gossip Girl, in the ads I made afternoon tea which was a small tub of fruit yoghurt and once slice of toast with two slices of edam cheese and tomato on top, YUMMAH ^.^

Anyway, so once Gossip Girl finished, I got a phone call from a very old family friend who I haven't spoken to in months, she's a really good friend of my Mum's and I've known her for my entire life. She rang to speak to me about the fact that I'm not taking maths next year, because she herself is a teacher and understands the importance of keeping your options open, so now I'm thinking about maybe taking maths instead of Physics... just to be safe.
I'll speak to Miss Deely, the year 11 dean tomorrow about it. I'm really starting to come around to the idea of keeping maths next year. I don't wanna destroy my future before it's even begun... well not so much "destroy" but make it considerably more difficult than it needs to be.

peace and love.
xxo

So I made a bet...

2009-09-11T23:31:00.000-07:00

Yep, this bet was with three girls in my science class, since I'm always changing up my hair, I keep saying "Oh yeah, now i'm just gonna grow it out long and have it one colour", then next week I'll show up at school having chopped it all off and bleached it blonde or something.
So sure enough, yesterday I was going on about my awesome plans to keep it dark brown and grow it all out and the girls piped up saying "Jenny you say that EVERY SINGLE TIME! and you never keep it like that!" so i was like, "OK! You know what? I'll prove to you that I can do it. For SIX MONTHS, I won't change my hair. I'll get an occasional trim to keep it healthy, but that's as far as I'll go" and Ashlynne said "You've got to keep it dark brown too!" so that's the plan. If I fail and dye my hair a different colour, or get a drastic hair cut, my punishment is to go ranga lol.
And I'll stick to my word and do it, but that won't be necessary because I do not, by any stretch of the imagination, intend to fail.
So until the 10th of February, I must keep my hair "normal"
:)
Sounds easy right?
Ha, well, not so for someone such as myself, you see, I don't exactly have the greatest track record for maintaining the same hair style for an extending period of time due to getting bored...
Check out these different looks I've gone through (and these are just the ones I have photos of lol):

etc etc etc... there are heaps more, but I think you get the idea??? lol.

So yeah, watch this space with updates on how I go!

xoxo

Yoga and Mars bar muffins.

2009-09-11T01:18:00.000-07:00

Today I baked some yummy Mars Bar muffins ^.^ They were sooo good. SOO fattening, but It's not like I have them everyday, so I figured why not :)
I'll just run/yoga it off tomorrow haha. I actually baked them just for a very special person, and he really liked them! Mission complete! :D
Today was a pretty dull day, but I'm fully addicted to Yoga now. Tomorrow there's a three hour work shop in town for yoga and it's 20 bucks entry. I'm so keen to go! I seriously have to burn off all the shit from today, also, I have found that there is nothing like yoga to tone up my stomach with is great.
I find yoga so relaxing... I'm able to centre myself, concentrate on relaxing all the muscles in my body and letting go of any stressors that are unnecessary, so right now, that is the perfect kind of workout for this stage in my life, which has been painfully stressful lately :(
I have one person who, no matter what, makes me feel happy ^.^ Which I am so so SO grateful for. It's such an incredible thing to find true friends who really care about you and will remain loyal to you no matter what. They are so hard to come by, and truth be told? I only have one of them. He's always there for me and will do anything to make me feel better when I'm feeling down.

In other news, Last night I went to Tauranga with Mum, Anna, Clarissa and Sarah to see Tga's showing of the musical "Cats" by Andrew Lloyd Webber. It. Was. Fan-TASTIC!
I was so impressed! And it made me so nostalgic for the days when I've been involved in theatre productions... I haven't done a show in NINE MONTHS! That's so long for me! I miss it :( I miss being involved, and the work, and having something to aim for and to push yourself to your ultimate limit, and the good vibes created between the cast members, and the backstage romance that ALWAYS occurs ;) and learning new things and new skills, and finally, performing in front of hundreds of people, making them smile and feel such great emotions, that's the best bit.
Tga's "Cats" fully did that for me, and I give them a ten out of ten. Highlights for me were definitely the Rum Tum Tugger's song just coz he's my favourite character, and the Macavity the mystery Cat duet, I thought they did SUCH a good job.
Here's a video of the original duet from the film:

Anyway, I'm super excited for the yoga workshop tomorrow :) I've had a really fantastic evening with a great friend of mine, so I'm happy!

I'm going to go watch the musical "Fame" now.

Have a wonderful night everybody xoxo

First sunscreen application for the warm weather!!!

2009-09-07T19:13:00.000-07:00

Hey guys! Well I'm pretty excited over something fairly small, I just had to do my first sunscreen application since last summer :D
That means, the weather's heating up! BUT, with warm weather comes crazy ass protection. I'm serious, I truly can't stress enough how very important it is to wear sunscreen nowadays. I've always been pretty slack, but i was sitting outside just now for about 5 minutes with my arms exposed to the sunlight with no sunblock and already, at the very start of spring, i am sunburnt on my left arm.
Scary shit. No way am i getting skin cancer or popped blood vessels or wrinkly skin when I'm old or any of that shit!
This spring/summer I'm gonna be super sun-smart. I tan very very easily during the warmer seasons and that's usually because i go without sunblock... I've always thought that I'd be okay without it because i don't tend to burn very easily, but just now, after seeing how quick i burnt, i went straight inside, dug up a bottle of SPF 30 and slathered it on, all over my arms, every bit of exposed skin including the back of my neck. Sunscreen is going to be my greatest accessory this spring/summer, along with a great new pair of sunnies and a funky hat :)
And to compensate for that fact that I won't be AS tanned as usual, Everyday i shall use my Johnson's Holiday Skin Body Lotion which is like a two in one, brilliant moisturizer and fake tan. Perfect!
A lot of girls in my town find it embarrassing to use fake tan, and prefer to lie in the sun and bake for hours instead so it's "real", but fuck that, I don't want skin cancer. Bring on the two in one and sunblock!
Enjoy your sun-smart summer and have a great day :)

xoxo

Alive and Amplified.

2009-09-07T14:47:00.000-07:00

Tied up, Tied down, up against a wall, be my rubber-made baby and we can do it all.

Photos + Video from friday night :)

2009-09-06T21:09:00.000-07:00

self-explanatory really.

Laryngitis and 5 minute chocolate cake.

2009-09-06T20:36:00.000-07:00

Well I'm home sick again :( Just as i recover from the bloody flu, I come down with Laryngitis! grrrr, It's a really inconvenient time of year for me to be getting sick. We have 7 weeks left altogether of school before NCEA externals.
The work load has increased and the seriousness of it has increased, so for me to be getting sick and needing to stay home, it's not very good.
However, this has given me all new inspiration to bake! Something which I've always been afraid to do coz i've never really been very good at it and because sugary foods scare me... :S
I don't know why, but whenever i am in ill health i'm always more likely to eat unhealthy :/ i wonder why that is.
This afternoon i made a 5 Minute Chocolate Cake, using a recipe i found on Rigel Suicides Flickr account and it actually tasted really really good!

The recipe is:
4 tbsp flour
4 tbsp sugar
2 tbsp cocoa
3 tbsp milk
3 tbsp oil or butter/margarine
1 egg
splash of vanilla extract
splash of almond extract
handful of chocolate chips

mix dry ingredients in a large 18oz mug or bowl. add wet ingredients one at a time, mixing each thoroughly. add chocolate chips last. microwave 2-3 minutes, sprinkle with powdered sugar and enjoy!

I plan to make my mum's famous mars bar muffins tonight, so i'll keep you posted!
xoxo

Who's feelin' naughty?

2009-09-05T16:06:00.000-07:00

I like your pants around your feet, I like the dirt that's on your knees, I like the way you still say 'please' when you're looking up at me, you're like my favourite damn disease.

Anorexics + My heart break coping mechanism.

2009-09-05T03:08:00.000-07:00

I heard the most disgusting thing the other day, my friend told me about a few girls at my school who have begun starving themselves to lose weight. This topic of discussion arose because I mentioned a noticeable loss of weight in one of the girls, to which my friend informed me of her "effective" diet regime. I couldn't believe it. I am so disgusted by the prospect of people STARVING themselves to achieve weight loss. I can barely look at her now.
I just find it so damn frustrating that there are some people out there who are so stupid and naive, that instead of developing a healthy eating plan, combined with exercise, they eat NOTHING! Hoping to lose a few kgs!
Look: Is it really worth it??

IT IS SO BAD FOR YOU! AND, you end up looking disgusting! It affects your physical appearance in terms of skin complexion, hair, teeth etc. It is awful to feeling a constant hunger, and have it be so intense, ALL THE TIME. If affects your sleep because you're so hungry, it affects your concentration because your brain can't function properly without adequate fuel, your muscles don't work properly because you have a severe lack of energy.
Not to mention that usually, it makes you look bloated because your stomach has no food to digest.
Also, i have never in my entire life met a guy who finds girls that thin attractive at all. Most of them, in fact will proudly admit that they love a bit of booty/curve to a woman!
When you go on diets such as these, or other ridiculous plans where you change your eating habits for a certain amount of time to lose a bit of weight, what people fail to realize is that the second you start eating normally again, you'll gain all the weight back on! That is why it is so important to simply eat a healthy balanced diet with food from all the different food groups, incorporated with regular exercise and you will be a happy, healthy being.
I know what i'd rather choose... obviously.
Another girl my friend told me about, I was so, SO disappointed to hear that she wasn't eating, because she's always been such a beautiful, confident girl who's so sure of herself and "doesn't care what other people think"... Well obviously she does.
I think my school need to make a bigger deal about this type of thing. It's generally just "swept under the carpet" and not dealt with, when during teen years, it is absolutely paramount that this issue is addressed.
I intend to see the Deputy Principle about it and ask them to somehow address this and see if we can't get a message through the heads of those stupid and naive enough to believe that the healthy way to be is by not feeding themselves.

Anyway, on to my next point which is that of my coping mechanisms when I'm upset... which i was rather a little while ago.
It seems funny to me that over the last couple of months, i seemed to have developed a new technique to help me deal with grief/heart break etc. Instead of curling up in a little ball and bawling my eyes out like I use to or binge drinking for a week like a mate of mine use to, I set fitness goals.
I sit there, more determined than ever, and set a bunch of goals and start planning the actions i will need to help them become a success. I spose it just gives me something to concentrate all my energy on... Stops me from becoming a hermit or something. I'm quite glad that this is how i react now. it kinda gives all the bad shit a silver lining..
Here's the list i wrote out about half an hour ago when I was very very upset, it's kinda like my fitness bucket list:

1. Start doing weights regularly at the gym.
2. Take up boxing.
3. Learn to surf.
4. Do yoga everyday for at least 30 minutes.
5. Win school x-country one year.
6. Scuba dive.
7. Run a half marathon.
8. Run a full marathon.
9. Do a triathlon
10. At some stage in my life, become a yoga instructor.
11. Become a black belt in martial arts/martial arts expert.

Having these long-term goals to work towards helps me stay focused and think of the positive. It gives me a genuine reason to get out of bed when all i want to do is curl up and cry.
I run a lot when i'm sad. It helps me run out all the pain.. I just run until i can't run anymore and my chest feels like it's about to burst, and my knees feel like they're going to snap and my body is so covered in sweat, it feels as though i've been drained of all liquid.
That is the best therapy for me. I truly helps me cope with shit.

What helps you deal with emotional strain?
What would you have on your bucket list?

xoxo

AMAZINGNESS <3

2009-09-05T00:55:00.000-07:00

I have actually just fallen in love with this song. It's called "Figured You Out" by Nickelback, it is so damn good, i can't stop listening to it!
Just thought i'd share it with you lot :)

I like your pants around your feet
And I like the dirt that's on your knees
And I like the way you still say please
While you're looking up at me
You're like my favourite damn disease

And I love the places that we go
And I love the people that you know
And I love the way you can't say no
Too many long lines in a row
I love the powder on your nose

And now I know who you are
It wasn't that hard, just to figure you out
(Now I did, you wonder why)
And now I know who you are
It wasn't that hard, just to figure you out
(Now I did, you wonder why)

I like the freckles on your chest
And I like the way you like me best
And I like the way you're not impressed
While you put me to the test
I like the white stains on your dress

And I love the way you pass the check
And I love the good times that you wreck
And I love your lack of self-respect
While you passed out on the deck
I love my hands around your neck

And now I know who you are
It wasn't that hard, just to figure you out
(Now I did, you wonder why)
And now I know who you are
It wasn't that hard, just to figure you out
(Now I did, you wonder why)
(Why not before, you never tried)
(Gone for good, and this is it)

I like your pants around your feet
And I like the dirt that's on your knees
And I like the way you still say please
While you're looking up at me
You're like my favourite damn disease

And I hate the places that we go
And I hate the people that you know
And I hate the way you can't say no
Too many long lines in a row
I hate the powder on your nose

And now I know who you are
It wasn't that hard, just to figure you out
(Now I did, you wonder why)
And now I know who you are
It wasn't that hard, just to figure you out
(Now I did, you wonder why)
(Why not before, you never tried)
(Gone for good, and this is it)

Hot Pools, Nintendo WII + Hed PE.

2009-09-05T00:36:00.000-07:00

I just got home from Karla's house, we had the mintest night! It started with Kelsi, Karla, Leonie and I going to the hot pools. That was really cool, it was just us four chicks and it was great to chill and just chat and gossip :) Also the hot water was HEAVEN on my poor sore muscles :( They're really bad today, but the hot water helped. Also, i have a nasty ass cold at the moment so that makes life ten times more difficult. But nevertheless, i had a really awesome time ^-^ We got some SWEEEET photos too! And a video :) Leonie's camera has this righteous case which goes underwater, so we have some photos which will have you trippin' balls!
Anyway, so the pools close at 9.30pm so we had to get out. We had some sweet chat in the changing rooms, but there was this pain in the ass little kid who kept butting in to our conversation, must of been like 3 or 4 hahaha.
We parted ways with Leonie at the gate and Kelsi, Karla and I continued onwards to home. I wasn't going to stay over at Karla's because I'm really sick with a bad cold and I thought I should have an early night (god knows i needed it, i was feeling dizzy and falling asleep at like 10!), but instead i decided to stay :) We got to Karla's and spent about an hour sitting at her breakfast bar with our various beverages- sparkling lemonade, hot ribena with honey, coffee, water and cordial, just chatting about anything and everything. Eventually after relocating to the floor in front of the fire and chatting for a few more hours, we hit the hay. Three of us in one queen size bed haha, it was surprisingly comfy! And i went to bed first so i was freezing and really happy to have two people to assist in warming it up. Snacks were salada crackers with Edam cheese. We woke up around 10.20 and after chatting about yummy food for 15 minutes or so, all decided we were hungry and wanted eats so we went and got brekky :) Breakfast for me consisted of THEN.... THEN we busted out the Nintendo WII!!! Boxing yeeeee! :D MAN that is one hell of a work out! It was great, i just had to think of someone who highly fucks me off and i was good to go haha. My arms are so sore now, if you did that for 30 minutes you'd have your high intensity cardio DOWN! Best thing was, when the Karla's parents went out, we put on music really really loud and it was mostly Hed PE, so the style of the music fit perfectly with the nature of the activity we were doing. We spent some of the day sitting outside on the deck enjoying the sun which was nice :)
Kelsi went home around 1.30pm and Karla and I watched Jumper and she cooked lunch. Lunch consisted of two chicken burger patties and two scoops or so of chips. not overly healthy, but it's not something i eat often, so what the hell.
We then watched Kill Bill 2 which was gnarly as fuck and after we played a good ol' game of Tennis on the WII and golf, baseball and once again, BOXING!
I left at around 6.15pm, came home, had a shower, and here i am :)
I had such an awesome time!!
Can't wait to do it again ^.^

Love you all.
xoxo

It's NOT making me stronger :(

2009-09-02T22:56:00.000-07:00

I'm having a really bad afternoon... my day was going just fine until i got home. I'm really angry because I came home from school as fast as I could, abandoning the plans I had with Dallas because mum and I had discussed going to the gym this afternoon for a consultation as well as buying a few things to help me with running so I don't have such awful knee pain.
Yeah well, NONE of that happened. I got home and she said "I just got back from being out for a long time, I'm not that interested in going out again", WELL THAT'S NOT MY PROBLEM! We had plans, I ditched a friend for them, and then she decided she wasn't going to go anywhere. Awesome mum. Really helpful.
I'm afraid to go running again because my knee's are stuffed so whenever I do, after half an hour my knees are burning! I wanted some protection to help prevent that!

I really want to leave Whakatane. it's driving me insane, every single day I have to go to school knowing that there is all this bullshit about me, all these lies and I can't defend myself. Usually it wouldn't bother me what others think, but this bothers me because it's interfering with my friendship with someone amazing who I would die for. It's REALLY interfering, and it's so so upsetting for me to have it be like that :(
I'd love to leave the country. Start COMPLETELY fresh, leave behind the fucked up past and just have a completely clean slate where no one knows anything unless I tell them.
Canada is where I'm thinking. Only problem is getting a Canadian passport and funding it so I'm able to live there...
Mum lectures me telling me Karma is on my side and it will come back and bite them in the ass, but that's not gonna happen within the next two years, and there is no fucking way I am putting up with this shit, unjustified for the next two years of my schooling.
I need an escape but I don't know what to do... :(
I'm really upset and in a really bad mood today, and not even Operation Beautiful can cheer me up.
Mum says it'll all make me stronger, but FUCK IT! It's been 9 months and I'm getting increasingly weaker..
High school is like a fucking jungle, you'll be lucky to get out alive.

I need help to smile.
Any suggestions?

<3

Spring is in the air!

2009-09-01T22:47:00.000-07:00

Spring is finally here and I need a job!!! Unfortunately enough for me though, this is unlikely to happen anytime soon due to the recession :( I have no money at all which is proving to be a problem since I'm starting to get serious about maintaing a healthy lifestyle.
For me, a healthy lifestyle consists of mainly 3 aspects:
1. Eating well
2. Exercising regularly/getting enough sleep etc.
and
3. Understanding and connecting with the spiritual side of things.

For the last 6 months or so, I've been running on-off. I'll get into it and go hard everyday for about a week and a half and then gradually slow to a grinding halt and do NO exercise at all for up to 3 weeks. Not a pathway dressed for success :S So starting now, I am beginning to identify ways to keep the exercise consistent rather than "yo-yo" as it were.
Some of my new ideas regarding this which i intend to put into action immediately are the following:
-Allowing my body adequate time to heal by resting every second day,
-Changing my jogging playlist each time to give variety so i don't lose interest.
-Reading motivating messages and blogs such as http://www.healthytippingpoint.com and http://www.operationbeautiful.com to give me a nudge in the right direction.
-Having an ultimate goal to aim for, and
-Not pushing myself too hard, if i only feel like running for 30 minutes one day rather than an hour, listen to my body.

I ran for an hour the other day and i felt fantastic for it, (aside from the fact that my knees felt like they were on FIRE and i had to ice them for 20 minutes afterwards) had it not been for my knees, i could have gone for at least another half hour. I rested the following day so as not to overdo it and today, i plan to run my little heart out again for hopefully an hour :) I will leave in roughly ten minutes, i fueled up with toasted pita bread with sanitarium peanut butter on top.

There are some things I feel I MUST do, 1. Buy a new sports bra, 2. Go see the physiotherapist about my knees, 3. Go to the gym and do weight-lifting, 4. Take up kick boxing and 5. Buy knee support thingy's from rebel sport.

As a 15 year old girl, mid-teens, I believe that now, during these adolescent years it is absolutely vital that we learn and practice to make healthy food decisions, prepare food and understand the importance of regular exercise. In your teens, this is where most of your major growth and development will occur as you go through the process of becoming an adult. Therefore supporting my opinion that having a healthy lifestyle is absolutely paramount as it can help prevent illnesses such as osteoporosis, heart disease and reduce the risk of cancer.
It took me a very long time before i realized how important it is to properly take care of myself, because if i don't, who else will?
I've started eating far healthier, making sure i have reasonable proportions of protein and calcium at breakfast to help keep me full for longer throughout the day. I make sure all the food i eat is good for me, with the occasional treat ^-^
I'm currently experimenting to see which foods work best for me to keep me full and give me good energy, and I'm staying well away from bread, sugar, trans fat and salt.
I drink at least 1.5 liters of water a day and usually 2 glasses or so of milk. I eat about 6-7 small meals each day usually between 250-600 KJ.
I plan to buy a camera so i can start taking photos of my running successes and my food choices, i feel like that alone will be a good motivation for me to keep up the healthy eating and exercise!

The school cross country is coming up on the 17th of September and for the first time in my entire life, i plan to actually run and COMPETE. Usually on cross country day i've either wagged school or just walked the course.
This year I'm going to try for REAL.
I probably won't do all that well, but i hope i do, and it will give me something to look forward to and aim for.

Ok, so I basically just covered the first two aspects of my idea of a healthy lifestyle so that just leaves the spiritual side.
I've always had the most trouble with this aspect believe it or not. It's always been a huge problem for me and i've never been good at it. Lately however, there have been a bunch of different things that have been helping to make it easier and more understandable.
I'm teaching myself how to be in a good mood the majority of the time.
I started by slowly leaving the people who I used to be surrounded by that were just downright unnecessarily negative, they always brought me down, and began being around happy people who are always positive and in a good mood ^-^ I was AMAZED at the difference it made to my mood!
Also I discovered http://operationbeautiful.com and that made such a huge difference to my personality. I was so touched by the movement, i felt motivated to take part myself and in doing so, made MYSELF feel 1000000000 times better about myself, whilst hopefully making others feel the same. It's worth it just to know that it could put a smile on the face of ONE individual.
I visit the site daily to read the new post-its and they always make me feel so happy and confident and beautiful and i think Operation Beautiful are a huge reason why i feel so happy and positive now.
I'm also learning to really relax and take time out to be in total peace and quiet at least for a few minutes everyday, just to do nothing. It's brilliant.
And finally, I've decided to do everything with PURPOSE and be more honest about my feelings and try to consider my own feelings more often, because as an amazing and beautiful friend of mine pointed out, she recognised a pattern occurring in all my friendships, and that was that I constantly put everyone's feelings before mine just to keep the peace and i ended up becoming extremely stressed and pushed to the limit, so i need to be more aware of my own emotions and to make sure my friendships are a give/take thing rather than just give.

That was the longest post I think I've ever done haha.
Well, i'm glad to get that all down :)
Have a brilliant night everybody.

This is what i do when i'm inspired and feeling the love!

2009-08-29T03:42:00.000-07:00


	I have stumbled across a website with the most beautiful aim and so much heart, beauty and love, it made me so happy to see that there are some truly beautiful (on the inside AND out) people in this world, it kinda helped restore my faith in humanity. http://operationbeautiful.com The idea is for females (and males, should they so desire to participate) to post post-it notes with positives affirmations in public places such as the bathroom mirror or gym changing room etc. It'll put a smile on the face of whoever reads it and make them feel that much happier ^-^ When i found this website tonight i was feeling sooo down in the dumps, i was REALLY upset because there's been a lot of shit lately going down and i felt like i was lacking strength to deal with it all, then i found the site and after about half an hour of flicking through the pages i was restored to such a positive happy mood! The creator Caitlin, is a true hero and a massive inspiration of mine, check out her individual blog:http://healthytippingpoint.com She is a hero to us all. All this also inspired to me get off my ass and get back in shape for summer. I'm going to start running again because, even though i said otherwise, I could never give up running, i secretly love it lol. Honestly, it's so relaxing and enjoyable and gives me a chance to be by myself and think about things. I really do have a great time doing it. My biggest problem is finding somewhere NICE to go, My usual route is kinda boring, i want something DIFFERENT... Maybe i'll do the bird walk, through hillcrest, through town and back home.. Wait, perhaps i should start out a little shorter since it's been a while.. lol I put my running shoes out on my drawers so in the morning it'll remind me of what i need to do. It's a hassle finding the motivation to actually get going, but once i do, i always feel great afterwards. Spread the love and joy people xoxoxo

AMAZING FILM <3

2009-08-29T03:41:00.000-07:00

	Girl, Interrupted.	8 days ago

	I just watched the film "Girl, Interrupted" starring Winona Ryder and Angelina Jolie- It was brilliant. I've been hanging out to see this film for a couple of weeks now and i've recently become a massive fan of Winona Ryder, i think she's is an absolutely fantastic actress who is insanely talented with great access to herself, and i have such great admiration for her, but i didn't come here to talk about my admiration for Winona, I'm writing to talk about the film itself, and how i found it extremely intriguing and thought-provoking. Winona's character Susanna was admitted to a psychiatric hospital for "Borderline Personality Disorder" even though she didn't even understand what that meant and didn't feel crazy in any way, shape or form, but reluctantly signed the papers confirming her admittance. I was a little frightened but how deeply i felt i could relate to Susanna... Now, don't get me wrong, i'm not crazy, sure i have my moments and had many accusations and rumours thrown my way that suggest otherwise, but jesus people, be realistic! I am not mentally ill. I felt i was able to relate to Susanna through her view of the world... At one point in the film, she went on to tell one of the doctors, after her fellow patient-friend Daisy committed suicide in her own home after being set free and declared "recovered", that had she had the chance, she would've gone upstairs to Daisy's room after being slammed and accused of a sexually incestuous relationship with her loving father by Lisa (Angelina Jolie), and spoke to her about how she understood what it feels like to try so hard and yet, despite all your best efforts, be unable to fit in with society, to physically harm yourself on the outside just to try and kill the thing on the inside... (I don't self-harm either btw), to feel like such an outcast, not knowing how to relate to others. After listening to her pour out her deepest thoughts and emotions, i was truly struck by how i agreed with her and understood her pain.. I'm not writing all this with the expectation that people will comment with sympathy and kind words, in fact, i don't even really expect this to get read at all, and if it does, i expect harsh words and yet MORE insults and rumours if anything. Wow, what a pleasant society we live in these days. My main problem is that i really can't relate to others, I might as well be on another fucking planet ALL TOGETHER to be honest. It sucks and it makes high school increasingly difficult, but what can you do? All we can do is just be who we are, be assertive and do our best to make sure others don't bring us down. I get where Susanna was coming from, and to some extent, i've been there. But i won't allow it to get me down. Also, another point in which i was like "holy fuck, that's just like me!", is when they told her of how wrong and abnormal it was that, once she graduated from high school, she had no intention of attending college, she simply wanted to settle down and write. This was highly frowned upon by authority figures around her and they very openly displayed their disapproval that she didn't have a "plan". Words cannot express my level of exhaustion at having to constantly explain to authority figures directly present in my life about how, no, i do not have any intention of attending university, i'd rather save my money, get a part-time job and play music. They seem unable to comprehend any of this, and i'm always being told to have a decent "plan" and to keep music as a hobbie. FUCK THAT! I intend to do what makes me happy, sure i'll be on the bones of my ass for money, but i'd rather be playing music and enjoying life then attending lectures everyday for something i have very little interests in and hating life. Thank you Winona, for introducing the psychotic equivalent of me to myself.

I really don't enjoy being sick all that much.

2009-08-29T03:40:00.000-07:00

	Jenny's moan page.	10 days ago

	I'm really not happy right now. I'm hungry and all there is to eat is my secret stash of dark chocolate. so for the last three days, that's what i've been snacking on. I'm tired, my headache is so bad it feels like my brain is trying to expand and explode out of my skull, i'm stressed beyond the limit because i've missed so much school it's gonna be a bitch to try and catch up and i REALLY need to because if i fail ncea level one then i will shoot myself in the head for being so bloody useless. All the stress of that is in turn, making my flu worse which is stressing me out even further which is like a vicious cycle :S not to mention i'm freaking out about getting fat for some reason and i can't even exercise coz i can barely walk straight coz i'm so dizzy and my foot is screwed so i can't run anyway... ARGH. AND! It's raining again, what the hell!??! It went away and was beautiful and sunny for like a DAY, and now it's turned to sht again. WHAT is that about?!? And why isn't facebook letting me type my massive update all in one go?? why's that changed? My friggin body can't decide whether it wants to be hot or freezing. i miss my dad and he never ever replies to any of my messages or whatever online which pisses me off, i wanna move to Auckland so it's easier to go to casting calls, i want to be able to be open about my growing love for a certain amazing human being, and i want to get better so i can write music with Zakk, get it recorded, set up a myspace, youtube and bebo band account so we can be proactive and get noticed. BUT NONE OF THIS IS POSSIBLE WHEN I HAVE THE F*KING FLU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I dream big.

2009-08-29T03:39:00.000-07:00

	10 People I'd love to meet in my life, and why.	14 days ago

	1. Barack Obama- He's the first black president, which is incredible in itself, and he's the first political leader to ever make me feel secure, and like he's going to make a serious difference, a POSITIVE difference. 2. Slash- He's my complete idol. He inspires me everyday musically to carry on, go further, test my limits, live a little, explore new things, and regret nothing. I'd love to speak with him about his music and how he made it out of so much shit alive. 3. Jessica Origliasso- She's one of the most powerful woman alive in my opinion. She makes me feel proud of who i am because SHE is so open, honest, and comfortable with who she is. She's a major celebrity, and openly bisexual, she has total guts and is opinionated and makes a point to say something if she's not happy with the way things are going. She inspires me <3 4. Evan Rachel Wood- She is my favourite actress, and every single movie she's in makes an impact on me. She's so talented and always manages to portray emotion, feeling and empathy in her roles. She's incredible. 5. Anthony Kiedis- He is THE most talented song writer I've ever had the privilege of experiencing EVER. Every single one of his songs contains so much meaning, love and emotion. All of it is so significant, and when i listen to his music, i just know that every song was as important to him as the next. It all means something and there's a story behind every single lyric. Also, when i'm upset, Anthony Kiedis's voice is one of the things that are absolutely guaranteed to cheer me up. 6. Duff McKagan- He's so insightful and so passionate about music and especially Punk Rock. I'd love to talk with him about his music and the punk rock era. 7. Winona Ryder- She's the cutest, most fierce little pixie on the planet. She's so cute with a fuckload of attitude and straight up talent. She may have gone through some troubles in the past with shoplifting and drug convictions, she has a lot of heart and she's one incredible woman who has been extremely successful. ALSO, She was engaged to Johnny Depp for three years, anyone who pulls Johnny Depp deserves some serious kudos in my opinion lol. 8. Axl Rose- Just because he's a fucking psychotic who tore apart Guns N' Roses and i'd like to hear his side of the story. Also, he's an amazing lyricist. 9. Rhys Darby- Proud representation of new zealand. Highly entertaining. 10. Russell Brand- He's sexy as hell, has a hot as british accent, FUNNY AS HELL, 6 foot 3 and a recovering sex addict... need i say more/?!?

My Best Friend Emma Banbury <3

2009-08-29T03:38:00.002-07:00

	EB	27 days ago

	her face is asymmetrical, she's just as useless at tennis as i am, she holds my hand during funerals when I'm crying, she is absolutely amazing at writing poems and lyrics, she is an incredible masseuse, she always knows effective and enjoyable ways for me to vent my anger She gives me her honest opinion about everything, she tried to dye her hair brown and it went bright red, she accepts me for who i am and makes me feel good about myself, she cooks me yummy omelets, she sings like an angel and she keeps getting better, she understands me all the time, even when no one else does, she knows me better than anyone on the planet, she is my soul mate.

Good stuff :)

2009-08-29T03:38:00.001-07:00

	Top 5's	27 days ago

	Singers 1. Anthony Kiedis 2. Steven Tyler 3. Michael Jackson 4. KD Lang 5. Alanis Morissette Bands 1. Guns N' Roses 2. Red Hot Chili Peppers 3. Aerosmith 4. The Veronicas 5. Slash's Snakepit Foods 1. Sushi 2. Chocolate 3. Spring Rolls 4. Onion Tart 5. Avocado with Rice and Tamari sauce Movies 1. Thirteen 2. True Romance 3. Rocky Horror Picture Show 4. Wanted 5. Heathers Songs 1. My Michelle- Guns N' Roses 2. Secret- The Pierces 3. Everything- The Veronicas 4. Don't Get Mad, Get Even- Aerosmith 5. Johnny Get Angry- KD Lang Powerful Woman 1. Perla Hudson 2. Jessica Origliasso 3. Marilyn Monroe 4. Megan Fox 5. Angelina Jolie Dream Husband 1. Slash 2. Anthony Kiedis 3. Duff McKagan 4. A certain person who shall remain unnamed 5. Reeve Carney Items of clothing 1. Fake leather jacket 2. Doc Martins 3. Zebra print dress 4. Black skinnies 5. Jean jacket Dream Cities 1. Hollywood 2. New York 3. Paris 4. Venice 5. Hong Kong Sites i visit daily 1. Twitter 2. Myspace 3. Facebook 4. Bebo 5. Youtube TV shows 1. Sex and The City 2. Fringe 3. Gossip Girl 4. Elfen Lied 5. Ellen Actresses 1. Evan Rachel Wood 2. Winona Ryder 3. Angelina Jolie 4. Helena Bonham Carter 5. Susan Sarandon Actors 1. Johnny Depp 2. Christian Slater 3. Ed Westwick 4. Seth Green 5. Jackie Chan Greatest feelings 1. Being in love and having the person love you back 2. Performing in front of hundreds of people 3. Writing an original song 4. Sexual energy with someone that you think is sexy as hell 5. Watching Guns N' Roses dvds.

WHAT THE FUCK?

2009-08-29T03:36:00.001-07:00

	The twitter-war of the peroxide blondes straddling six string guitars	28 days ago

	Wow, Courtney Love seems to thoroughly enjoy twitter-slamming other peroxide blonde female musicians. She lashed out at both Jessica Origliasso from the Veronicas and Taylor Momson from The Pretty Reckless, who also plays Jenny Humphrey on Gossip Girl. Courtney Love seems to get extremely defensive and even accused Jess of stealing her clothes... the fuck? I can understand her little outburst at Taylor Momson because she's an ungrateful, bratty, over-privileged bitch with no appreciation of how talented her band was, (she fired her entire band in the middle of a tour because apparently they didn't have the right "look"), but c'mon courts, it is so undignified watching/reading you insult other chicks who are ten years or more your junior.. You're still the queen of grunge so stop feeling threatened!!! Also, the shocking spelling and grammar don't do you ANY favours honey... "aha ah so @taylorxmomson so sorry although now ive spazzed inront of alot of people i feel lame, but theres a look in the eyes icanalwaystel 3:19 PM Jul 30th from web ahhh and after taht im just going to go to find a friend and have a Virgin daquiri im sure @taylorxmomson your very "sweet" but idontcare 3:11 PM Jul 30th from web oh btw i doubt it would be from me that BAM, i think it would be from every "freak" and Fag" in high school you ever picked on. Christ!UGH 3:10 PM Jul 30th from web @taylorxmomson if i was pissy about every chick that every bit me id be busy indeed your just annoyingly cloyingly wrong.WORKWITHYRHANDS 3:09 PM Jul 30th from web @taylorxmomson is that youyr name? i dont watch tv or read teen mags and gossip rags so i wouldnt know, do NOT still "like my music"please 3:09 PM Jul 30th from web @taylorxmomson shut the FUCK up you overpriveliged bratty bitch that picked one every freak in high school mention my name again? BAM" Jesus... what is becoming of girl world??

Deep and meaningful... I do get gushy :)

2009-08-29T03:35:00.000-07:00

My idea of love.	35 days ago

	It's when you care about that person so much, that merely the THOUGHT of them getting hurt, being let down, feeling disappointed, getting physically harmed... or just feeling pain in any way, tears apart the very depths of your soul because it breaks your heart to see them sad, and you would do ANYTHING in the WORLD to protect them from feeling pain. It's when the thought of them takes over your mind, and you forget everything else in the world and are happy simply picturing them smile or laugh, and it takes you away on a day-dream. It's when you see them in person, and you wish you could hold them and cling to them and snuggle up to them forever, to ignore everything else and just stay there with them, forget all the conflicts in the world around you just to be with that person. It's when you don't need fancy Balls or parties, or big events to be happy, as long as your being held by that person, you feel perfect and don't need anything else in the world to please you. It's when you don't need a "Big White Wedding" to prove your love, you just need yourself and that person, and you can conquer the world. It's when you don't need to see each other or talk to each other 24/7, sure you'll miss each other to the point where you'll feel sick, but you trust each other and know it'll be worth the wait when you next see them. It's when you can lie naked with them or shower with them, and have it not be sexual in any way, you're just emotionally connected and happy to be in an intimate situation, to respect and love each others bodies in their most vulnerable state. It's when you miss them so much you feel sick and unable to function properly, just seconds after you've said goodbye to them... That's my idea of love.

Yay for us!

2009-08-29T03:34:00.000-07:00

To live for four things...	39 days ago

	It has been brought to my attention, that there are four things in life that are scientifically proven to release endorphins, which make you happy. Those four things are: 1. Exercise 2. Chocolate 3. Cold water on your body after exercise and 4. Sex. So i've decided that I'm going to embrace this new revelation of mine and use those four things to enjoy my life as best i can. Given i have to actually lose my virginity first.. but i'll get to that lol But yeah, it's a win/win situation, and the fact that i'll be eating chocolate will be cancelled out by all the running and i'll get a hot body in the process, which will in turn make me more confident and happier, and by using the cold water theory i'll recover better from my exercise so i'll be able to be in better shape. Also, by having a hot body, the sex will just be better in general hahaha So this takes me back to my point of, why does everyone make life so difficult for themselves? There are four perfectly good solutions to making life easier and more enjoyable RIGHT THERE! Take my advice people, give it a shot and see how you feel. love. x

Ask yourself?

2009-08-29T03:33:00.000-07:00

Victory or Death.	43 days ago

	So i came to the conclusion the other day, that every single person in the world makes life more difficult for themselves than it needs to be. I mean seriously, we make life so much harder for ourselves by getting ourselves in to unnecessary debt, betraying friends, spreading secrets, holding unnecessary grudges, hurting other people for revenge with no positive outcome... It all adds to the drama that is our day to day lives. Think about how much easier and chill life would be if we all just took a step back, took a deep breath had a look at how far we've come, what we're doing wrong, what we're doing right, what we can improve, and what we need to stop worrying about. We don't have to make things so bloody difficult for ourselves. Also, it seems to have a whirlpool effect, when we're pissed off and things aren't working out so great, we get mad, and when we get mad, others feel it too and get mad also, then everyone's mood sinks and it just turns to shit. Take a leaf out of the Beatles book, get stoned, chill out, write music about things that are pissing you off or hurting you and forget about the things you cannot change. Thanks for letting me have that little rant. -Jenny

Continued ramblings...

2009-08-29T03:32:00.001-07:00

Jenny's moan page.	47 days ago

	I'm so over school. i want to drop out so bad but i know that's not the right thing OR the smart thing to do... argh I really just want to pursue my musical dreams, i have this awful feeling of being trapped, like i won't succeed, like i'll be a failure to myself. It's such an awful feeling. makes me want to vomit and go jump off a bridge. I just cannot be fucked with school. i just wanna write and perform my own music, go get covered in tattoos, live in a big city, start my own business, not be ashamed or guilty of who i am, drink whenever i like, live life, be free and happy. I'm so goddamn frustrated that i'm NOT GETTING ANYWHERE that it's slowly killing me. ARGH! And i know i sound like a regular teenage girl with regular teenage dramas and regular teenage hormones, but FUCK! It's a big deal to me! anyways, moving on to another thing that's pissing me off royally, I'm a little weird about naming names here so i'm not gonna do it, but there is a certain person who i used to have close intimate relations with, but it ended really badly and now that person has been spreading shit about me far and wide, and you know what? most of it is BULLSHIT!!! This is pissing me off because now a whole lot of people hate me for fake reasons and are believing all this shit about me which isn't true. I wish you would all give me a chance to prove that i really am nothing like what he's made me out to be. One of my best friends originally believed what he said, but then actually got to know me and realized how different i am and now we are really really great friends. This person who's spreading lies about me seems to have forgotten how badly he treated me and the SHIT he put me through which is why i left him in the first place! This is the first time i am standing up for myself publicly because i've been so reluctant to cause more drama and make it worse for myself, also, the one thing i have to stand up for myself, legally i can't tell anyone, but bloody fuck, this is getting ridiculous. It hurts my feelings and makes me want to cry when i find out what people i don't even know, believe about me. A lot of people have eaten that shit up with a spoon and won't even give me a chance. I'm a much better person than you realize. Please,just give me the chance to prove it.

All the ramblings from previous blogs over the last two months.

2009-08-29T03:27:00.000-07:00

I am NOT sorry.	64 days ago

	Ok, well this has been bugging me for ages now, and when i say ages, i mean a decent year or so. I don't give a shit if no one reads this, but i need to say it. I am NOT sorry, and will not apologize for who I am. I realize that I'm more of an extrovert than other people, I listen to rock and roll music such as Guns N' Roses, Aerosmith and Led Zeppelin when others listen to Chris Brown, Rihanna, Lady Gaga and Jonas Brothers. I like Michael Jackson's music. I dress like a teen rebel from the 80s. I'm opinionated and straight up. I tend to be over-dramatic, though this year i'm HEAAPPSS more chill than usual. I get along with guys FAR better than girls. I don't hang out with a lot of people my own age, i tend to get along with older people. The lyrics to songs that i write are abstract, personal and deep and weird. I love body modifications (if they're tasteful). I have an open mind to all different kinds of people whether that be race, gender, sexuality etc. I'm totally open to embracing sexuality (capacity for sexual feelings/sexual activity), when i have conversations with others, i tend to use big longs words that most people don't understand, i think a lot of people are stupid just because they are rude and don't use common sense, i'm NOT a bitch whether you believe it or not, unless someone has RREEAALLLYYY pissed me off and done something seriously bad to hurt me, i don't bitch about anyone behind their back, I was born with voluptuous curves e.g my ass, waist, hips and boobs and i wear bright red lipstick A LOT of the time, including to school on mufti days. There's is so much of myself that I hold back because i know that if i just let go, i will be scrutinized, bullied and just have my life generally made hell by those around me because these days, SO many people are close minded. It's part of the reason i can't wait to move to a big city. But you know what? I'm not sorry for who i am. I'm proud of who i've become. I don't have loads and loads and loads of friends, i'm not extremely popular and i'm not mainstream, but i wouldn't swap with ANYONE. I'm happy with who i am and i'm SICK of being fucking judged for it!!! Those who do bother to get to know me are always pleasantly surprised by how different i am as a person to what they expect me to be. I'm a brilliant listener and a loyal friend. I never backstab my friends and will do whatever it takes to stick by them. I've been described with the statement: "It's like there's the rest of the school.... and then there's Jenny." but you know what? Not only is that true, but that's the way i like it. If i have to change who i am and my hobbies and interests and the way i dress act and behave just to have heaps of friends that i'm not really close to or care about very much and to fit in at school, then i would MUCH rather be an outcast. I love my friends very much, and i have a tight group of them who i would die for. That works for me just fine. so once again, i will not apologize for who i am and i'm sick of being gossiped about. GET OVER IT.

New to blogspot,

2009-07-19T00:48:00.000-07:00

Heyyo people!

I'm new to this whole blogspot thing, but i have a thing for voicing my opinions in my blogs and stuff so i thought i'd make a proper page.

I'll update videos and such on here and keep you updated with the steady progress of my band the Vesters.

Thanks yo :)